


Sugar

by actualsaii



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Chef Kim Seokjin | Jin, Comedy, Dancer Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Dancer Park Jimin (BTS), Drama, Drama & Romance, Drugs, F/M, Memory Loss, Rapper Kim Namjoon | RM, Rapper Min Yoongi | Suga, Romance, Strong Female Characters, Tattoo Artist Jeon Jungkook, agust d, professor kim taehyung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-09-05 19:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16817068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualsaii/pseuds/actualsaii
Summary: Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.[BTSxOC]





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all. 
> 
> [BTSxOC]

"You moron, get in the fucking car _right now_!" a raven-haired man yelled at the top of his lungs. Yet, his companion, another man with his hair almost white as a snow, stood in one place, unable to move a single muscle.

"I fucked up."

"Yes, dude, you fucked up in a royal way and now you have to make things right until something terrible happens. You can't let her drive in _that_ state. She might hurt herself. Or someone else."

The blond-haired man cursed internally, fishing the car keys from his pocket. This situation was absurd, he lost control over himself, screaming at the tiny girl, blaming her for her personality, blaming her for everything that has happened up until now. And all the blaming and cursing eventuated into her storming out of the private studio, not thinking about the consequences of her actions.

Because driving intoxicated, with the THC running in your bloodstream, isn't always the best idea.

"I told you to get in that fucking car right now."

So, they did. They both jumped into the car. Blond-haired man awoken the engine that purred quietly. He took one last deep breath, determined to save the situation. Determined to save every single last piece of what they had left.

***

If only my father saw me, driving one of his expensive imported cars drunk, ignoring the lights, speeding and feeling alive. Yet, the tears were clouding my vision. Suddenly, I couldn't remember why I was so sad. I couldn't remember who did this to me. I couldn't remember why I was driving my father's car, apparently running away from _someone_.

But then it struck me.

" _You are going to be the same bitch as your mother and older sister. What runs in family, stays in family._ "

Those were the words he told me before I stormed out. Before I ran away from him and his friends.

"You don't deserve me. Not a single piece of me." I murmured to myself. How can someone feel like being on the top, yet falling down through the pitch darkness, not being able to grasp something, not being able to save oneself?

There was no answer.

There was no one to answer me, to hold me.

To save me from what was about to happen.

It didn't hurt. I blamed it on the alcohol and drugs, my senses were numb, I couldn't make myself to _feel something._ I heard people yelling, ambulance was screaming somewhere in the distance. It was hard to grasp on what has just happened. I only remembered the moment of the crash. The car made a contact with a concrete barrier that was closing the road, and my body jerked. One second, I was holding firmly on the steering wheel, the other I was hugging the cold road, unable to move.

_Don't forget to wear safety belt whenever you are driving, okay? It might save your life one day._

Except it was an utter bullshit. I was alive. Barely, but I was.

And with those thoughts, I closed my eyes.

Hopefully not forever.

***

Cables and tubes were wired all over her tiny body. She was lying there, helpless, machine breathing instead of her lungs. Her beautiful face was covered in scratches and deep blue marks.

The once strong young woman was now in mercy of doctors and medical equipment.

Oh, how much he wished she was there, by his side, scolding him, even yelling at him. But not this. Not lying there, hurt, unconscious.

"I don't know who let you in, but you shouldn't be there. You are the last person that should be seeing my sister right now."

A young attractive doctor suddenly stopped by the blond-haired man. Said blondie turned his attention to the doc, breathing heavily.

"I tried to make it right."

"And you failed. Now get the fuck out of here before I make you occupy another clinical bed," the doctor growled lowly. He gripped on the papers in his hands so hard that his knuckles almost went white.

"Junseo, I'm sorry..."

"I'm not the one you should apologize to. She's in coma, and it's going to be a miracle if she ever wakes up."

The blond-haired man didn't know what to say. He was lost in his own thoughts; the guilt was eating him from inside. This was all his fault. If it wasn't for him and his big mouth and hurt ego, she wouldn't have ended up like this.

"Do you want to help her?" the doctor, Junseo, suddenly asked.

The young man in front of him only nodded.

"Get the hell out of her life. And never come back."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own BTS, but all the other characters in this book are created by me. Any resemblance to reality is coincidental. 
> 
> This story is AU, which means it takes place in alternative universe. This book will contain sexual scenes, violence, harsh words, drugs, basically young people enjoying their lives without thinking about the consequences. If you don't feel comfortable with the said scenes, please don't read. 
> 
> P.S.: English is not my native language, so it sucks.


	2. Scene 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all. 
> 
> [BTSxOC]

Sometimes I wake up from a nightmare. It is the same nightmare all over again – sirens screaming, broken glass everywhere. And I was lying on the cold concrete, not being able to move at all. I wanted to scream for help because my whole body felt like being set on fire, but I couldn't form any words in my throat. It was almost like my brain couldn't do it, like I couldn't speak because I didn't know how to do it. From time to time, I have this nightmare. And it is not unusual, doctor said. The amnesia, I suffered from, usually fueled nightmares. My brain was trying for pick up all shattered memories and put them into a whole picture. But in the end, it was a mission impossible. A few weeks after my accident, doctor told me I suffer from permanent post-traumatic amnesia – simply said, I'm not able to recall last 5 years of my life. I remember being fifteen years old and that's where all the fun ends. After that, my mind looks like a big black cloud. Yes, I tried to remember things, but it only ends up with an ugly migraine.

So, I gave up.

And started to live a new life.

I woke up in a king-sized bed surrounded by nothing but coldness. The man that went to bed with me was now nowhere to be found. But honestly? I wasn't surprised anymore. I wasn't supposed to sleep here in the first place. That was the rule number three – no sleepover. Well, not at his place. Because he was famous. And what if someone sees me sneaking out of his apartment in the middle of Seoul? Well, that would be a disaster.

Even though his reputation wasn't nice and decent.

He was a heartbreaker.

He was a bad boy.

He was one of the most famous rappers and producers.

And he was mine.

I jumped down from the bed, trying to find something I could put on myself. No way I'm going to wander around this apartment naked. I know he wouldn't mind, but I certainly didn't want to end up tied to his bed once again. My wrists were still marked by the last session we had there.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally found a decent t-shirt which reached my knees. Okay, decent enough. At least I didn't need panties which were lost only god knew where.

"Min freaking Yoongi, where the hell are you hiding this time? Overworking yourself again?" I murmured under my breath. If he heard me, he would smack my ass in a mere second. His little girl wasn't allowed to talk to him this way.

I didn't need to be asking myself where he is. I exactly knew I will find him hiding in his private studio he himself built in his apartment. It only took me few seconds to reach the said room, knocking quietly.

And I didn't wait for an answer. I quickly slipped inside, closing the door behind me quietly. And yes, there he goes, sitting in front of his producer's equipment only in his underwear and a simple white t-shirt. He turned around in his chair, giving me a questionable look.

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I woke up in the empty bed."

"You shouldn't have woken up there in the first place," he murmured, turning back to his PC. But then he froze, sighing heavily. I saw the way he ran his hand through his hair, cursing quietly under his breath. He turned back to me, his hand pointing to his lap.

A very welcoming gesture, I guess.

I slowly approached him, making myself comfortable in his lap. I dared to lean closer, kissing his lips tenderly. He didn't like to be tender with me, he didn't do vanilla with me. I remember the one time he did – it was the first time he fucked me in his studio. Not this one. The one he had within the grounds of his label. I was a groupie back then. After my incident I moved back to my parent's place in Busan. They told me it's going to be more convenient for me – being by their side. So, they could keep an eye on me. They didn't tell me about what happened back in Seoul, before the accident. They didn't want to trigger my memories, because the doctor said it wasn't good anyway. I definitely lost last five years of my life. And when I was sure I'm not getting my memories back, I decided to move out again. I decided to try Seoul again.

And I did the right thing.

At least I thought so.

Somehow, I started liking this certain rapper and I happened to become something I've never really dreamed of.

I became a groupie. But the special one – he noticed me in crowd the other day, asking the staff to bring me backstage after the live. I know, it sounds really crazy. It almost sounds like a scene from a romantic novel for young adults. But it wasn't like that.

It wasn't like that at all.

As soon as I stepped into the backstage room, I felt the energy he was giving off. He was ready to play with me, even though he didn't know me at all.

"Where are you from?" he asked, almost as if it was a single interview.

"Busan," I murmured.

"You don't have a Busan dialect."

"No, I don't," I chewed on my inner cheek, being all nervous because, hello, he was a famous rapper? And he asked for me? To meet him in private?

"Miseo," he murmured between the kisses, his grip on my hips tighter and tighter every second. And with that, I was kicked back to the present, leaving the memories behind. Memories of my new life, the ones I was able to keep.

"You got lost again."

"No, I didn't."

"You certainly did. What were you thinking about?" he asked me quietly, a sudden change in his behavior. He was still gripping on my hips, but something in his eyes became softer. The fuckboy, the famous rapper was suddenly gone and only Min Yoongi stayed there. People used to say he's cold, that he doesn't understand the concept of love, even though his songs were tangled with emotions. But he was there, he showed me. And right now, he was concerned about me. He didn't like me being lost in my thoughts, and I didn't know why. We always ended up fighting about it.

Yet, he wasn't telling me a shit.

"There's no point in not telling you, right? You'd drag it out of me no matter what," I scoffed, playing with the long strands of my hair. I loved how long it was, but sometimes I found it pretty annoying. My hair was basically everywhere, getting in the way, tangling and being messy. But once I took care of it, once I fixed it, it actually looked good.

"There's certainly not."

"I was thinking about our first... encounter."

His eyes widened, eyebrows raised as he was watching me. But it didn't take long until a small tender smile made an appearance on his face.

"Ah, that one."

"Yes. _That_ one. I still feel like... well, it would seem funny, but I still feel like it wasn't the first time we met. My mind is just probably messing with me," letting out a quiet laugh I leaned closer to him to peck his lips.

But in that very moment, Yoongi froze.

"Let's just not talk about it. Go back to bed, I have to finish this song if I don't want Sejin to bite off my head. Go to bed, baby girl," he said, his voice stern and cold. He used it against me every single time he wanted me to be gone. He simply locked himself up, not letting me in.

Funny.

I've never reached the real Yoongi.

At least I thought so.

***

My name is Lee Miseo, I'm 23 years old and I'm a university drop out. My parents are terrible and awesome at the same time. My father works for Korean government at pretty much high position, but I couldn't care less. And my mother is a typical American housewife. They met here in Korea, when my mom studied there as an exchange student. They fell in love – and that is their love story. One year after the wedding, their firstborn Junseo was born. Two years later, my older sister, Seohyun, was born. They decided two kids were enough for their lifestyle. My father was traveling a lot, which meant my mother was alone with two little kids. She raised them both in Busan and she was judged a lot. Not only she had a husband who was never at home, but she was also a foreigner, an intruder. But she was strong enough to make it through.

I wasn't planned. I was born 10 years after my sister, what made me a spoiled maknae in our family. I swear to god, both of my siblings hated me for it. Sometimes I think they still hate me for it. I'm the youngest and I'm the most privileged.

A year ago, I moved from Busan to Seoul, convincing my parents, that I'm indeed able to live on my own, not being under their surveillance twenty-four seven. After my accident, at the age of twenty, they decided to force me to move back to Busan, making me drop out of the university. Which is not surprising because I lost the memory of the last five years of my life. I didn't remember my university major, I didn't remember distant family relatives' names, I didn't remember whether I had a boyfriend or not.

I barely remembered events until my 15th birthday. After that it was only a pitch-black hole. Every time I tried to remember anything, my migraine kicked in, preventing me from remembering shit.

They told me it wasn't my fault. They tried to convince me I was innocent. But they didn't tell me why I did what I did. They didn't tell me why I drove intoxicated while being high on THC. My doctor was nice enough to let me know I was shit-faced and wrecked, destroying my father's newest car completely. Apparently, I stole it the night I crashed it. The legend says I lost control under the vehicle, crashing it in the middle of Seoul. Fortunately, I didn't hurt anyone, just myself. According to the police reports, I didn't wear the safety belt, which made my body fly through the front window, hitting the cold concrete. Somehow, I can remember the feeling. It didn't hurt, though. I only remember lying on the icy concrete, trying to scream for help, but my voice was hitched in my throat. Only a whimper left my lips.

They were surprised I made it alive to the hospital.

They said I won't be able to walk.

They said it was a miracle.

And here I go, walking and whoring around. Well, not entirely whoring, I'm only whore for this one certain guy. The one that makes my heart skip a beat, but I'd rather crash another car than tell him about my true feelings.

He wouldn't care, anyway.

"My favorite Busan girl, lost in her thoughts again," a young boy, my best friend, told me while sipping on his virgin mojito. He wasn't a big fan of alcoholic drinks, he only liked drinking quality whisky alone, in his tattoo studio.

"My favorite Busan boy, sticking his nose into what's not his business. Again."

Jungkook was there before, I was sure about it. I knew him since high school, he was one year younger than me, but he was always popular. Every single girl in our school wanted to fuck him, because, let's be honest here, he was a piece of meat. A whole five-course meal. But at the same time, he was my best friend and you don't fuck your best friends, never ever. That's the rule number one.

At least, it _was_ my number one rule.

Until he opened his tattoo studio in Seoul and I successfully managed to run away from my parents' strict rules. At the age of 22, I found myself standing in the middle of his studio, pleading for help. Because he was the only one who could help me at that time.

Yet, our friendship wasn't shattered. I knew I could lean on him.

Of course, I tried it with Jungkook, too. I tried to ask him what happened to me, why I had the guts to drive intoxicated and high, but he didn't tell me anything. I clearly remember the day I asked him for the very first time – he was quiet, staring at his feet, playing with his fingers nervously.

"I don't know. You ran away from Busan when you were eighteen. You said you couldn't stand you _r_ parents' constant fighting."

 _I didn't run away_ , I wanted to scream, but deep down in my soul, in the darkest depts, I knew he was right. I ran away, but I didn't know _why_.

"Seohyun and Junseo moved to America, leaving you behind in Busan with your fighting parents. The last thing you told me before jumping on the train to Seoul was..."

"What did I tell you?" I asked, still lying on the hospital's bed with cables and tubes wired all over my damaged body.

"You told me you hated them all."

I snapped back to reality when Jungkook made a hissing noise. At first, I thought he did it because I didn't pay attention to him, but he had his eyes glued on the phone screen, clicking his tongue.

"Troubles?"

"Nah. Colleague cancelled his client today. Looks like I have to do it instead of him," he sighed heavily, hand running through his raven hair.

"You were supposed to spend a day with me! Jeon Jungkook, you're unbelievable!"

"Don't play offended, I've never said I'm going to do it, princess. I promised a day with you, didn't I? So, I'm going to spend a day with you. You better planned something special, otherwise I really might take his shift."

"Actually, I was thinking we might go somewhere with Serah in the evening. She said she's free today."

"Woah, is she? The last time I tried to convince her to go out and have fun, she said she's super busy with her husband. Seriously, that girl is even younger than me, already married, living with her husband happily, planning their future life and kids. Miseo, what's wrong with us? Did we choose the wrong path?"

"Obviously. But it's not our fault that Serah is crazy in love and Taehyung's biological hours tick faster than any other women's."

"Daegu boys are weird."

Well, I haven't commented on it much.

For a certain reason.

"Never mind. I'll give it a try with Taehyung and you try to call Serah. They have to leave their nest for one night. One night a year, for the love of God himself," Jungkook just murmured under his breath, pulling his phone from the pocket again.

And I did the same with mine.

Seemed like my plans for tonight were completed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -stressfully looking around- so, the first chapter is here! Also, A BIG thank you to my roomie for grammar check! <3


	3. Scene 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native speaker.

As if had later turned out, my plans for tonight weren't completed at all. I was sitting in front of my closet, frowning at it because no, I had nothing to wear.

"You literally have a closet full of brand clothes, yet you are whining about not being able to go out because _you have nothing to wear_. Oh my gosh, wake up already!" Serah waved her hands in the air like crazy, which made Jungkook, comfortably sitting on the bed, laugh a lot. They both conspired against me, I was sure about it. But okay, they might have had a point. I surely had closet full of nice pieces of clothes, yet I couldn't decide what to wear. It wasn't a special night out, but still. I wanted to look presentable.

"Where is your husband, anyway?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Jungkook gave me a side glance, knowing what I was trying to do.

"Still at work."

"Still at work? At this unholy hour?"

"It's four in the afternoon, Miseo. Just because you're not in work doesn't mean other people are not working as well. Girl, get your life together."

"You mean marriage and shit? No, thank you. Maybe later, I'm still young."

"You are twenty-three," Jungkook said, a sly smirk plastered on his face. "And you..."

"Stop right there, Jeon Jungkook, or else I'm throwing this high heel right into your beautiful face."

"She what?" Serah asked while playing with the long strands of her dark brown hair. She was sitting comfortably on the floor, going through the pile of clothes I threw out of the closet. She was trying to make a decent looking outfit, but she didn't come out with anything as well.

"You know. She and that Agust D guy. That famous rapper," Jungkook smirked and I really threw my favorite pair of shoes at him. But I missed, sucks to be me.

"Are you two still together? I thought it only was one-night thing? One-night stand? I have no idea how people are calling those things nowadays. Me and Taehyung-"

"We know, you and Taehyung are the happiest couple on the planet Earth. Maybe the happiest one in our galaxy, who knows."

Don't get me wrong, we only teased each other. I loved Serah to the Moon and back. The same goes with her husband, Kim Taehyung. They were the one in a million couple. Married at such a young age, having their lives sorted out. But what was the most important thing? They were happy together. They loved each other so much, I've never seen such love before. It was breathtaking and honestly, sometimes I felt a little bit jealous. I wanted to experience love like that as well.

But I had something entirely else.

Well, sometimes I wasn't sure if I even had something. My relationship with Yoongi was full of question marks. We never sorted out our feelings. Nor we ever will. Probably.

_Because he only takes you as a good fuck, that's all. Don't forget you started as a groupie._

I sighed, fighting my inner self hard. This night was not the night to think about such things. I was accompanied by my best friends who clearly didn't agree on my relationship with Yoongi, but they still loved me and stayed by my side (even when I was bitching about him, but that was something completely different, okay).

"Enough about me and Taehyung. Are you still seeing Min Yoongi?" Serah asked me. She looked concerned, like really concerned. In the end, it was her place I crushed at every time he told me to go away. Oversleeping was against the rules, so when I was leaving his apartment – mostly intoxicated and in tears – I called her, and she let me stay, sleeping at the couch and have a coffee in the morning. And I couldn't be more grateful. Yet, I had to stop one day. I had to realize that this relationship didn't have any perspective. It was toxic, everyone knew it.

I knew it.

Yoongi knew it.

My friends knew it.

But I kept going.

"Yes, I'm still seeing Min Yoongi, mom."

"Holy shit! How long?"

"Seven months and three weeks exactly."

"Sicko."

"Shut up, Jungkook!" both, me and Serah, mumbled in his direction. He put his hands up in a false defense, being all innocent as he was. At least he tried.

"I'm just trying to highlight the fact that this relationship is indeed sick. Miseo, how many times do I have to tell you that you deserve someone better? Someone who will cherish you the way you are? Someone who will love you truly? You are not a bad person, even though you think you are."

"Are you talking about yourself?" I teased him a little.

He rolled his eyes, giving me a stern glance.

"Grow up, for fuck's sake."

"Hey, you two! Stop fighting or else I'm calling Taehyung to end this."

And that was something you didn't want, because Taehyung as a teacher at the university very well knew how to end conflicts. He would sit us in the living room, telling us how bad it is to have a fight with your best friend. Yeah, he was a good counsellor, but sometimes it was too annoying to listen to his advices.

"I love you Jeon Jungkook and I'm sorry," I turned to Serah, smiling innocently at her, "please, don't call your husband, okay? We are all okay here. I swear."

I swore.

And I hoped.

***

The club was full, we barely found an unoccupied table. As soon as I sat down, I checked my phone. Great, no missed call, not even a message. Maybe I sucked last night, and he already found a replacement. Everything was possible with the man called Min Yoongi.

"I see the gang is back together."

I swear to God himself, I could've known the sweet voice everywhere. There was something magical about her voice, I was always telling her she should become a singer and not photographer. Yet, here she goes, standing tall (well, rather small, considering her height) and proud, her majesty Han Sunmi. Tonight, she was alone. She usually came here with her boyfriend, but he must have been busy today.

"The gang is not complete yet. Professor Kim is still at work, being busy with essays," Serah said with a visible pout on her lips. She was gripping on the whisky shot so tightly. I ordered it like ten minutes ago and she still hasn't downed it. I was a bad teacher.

"Why don't you shut your nice mouth and sit down? I haven't seen you in ages, Sunsun. Sit down and tell me everything," I pushed Jungkook aside so I could make some space for Sunmi. I really haven't seen her in ages, she was travelling around the world along with her boyfriend. The famous photographer and the famous dancer.

What a nice combo they were, really.

Taehyung and Serah, Sunmi and Jimin; all of them happy, all of them together.

And then there's me, a former groupie. Dating but not dating at the same time. Dancer as well. I haven't told you yet, have I? I'm a dancing instructor at the Hope World dance studio, owned by one of the brightest human beings you could ever meet. Seems like the whole accident didn't affect my mobility, I could still dance well. As I was told after my accident, I was majoring in Acting and Screen performance, where dancing was required. One of the few facts about my previous life I was told about. Nothing more, nothing less, but at last I had a piece of puzzle.

One day, I might put the whole picture together.

But not today.

"Getting lost in your thoughts again, Mi? I thought you were going to interrogate me."

"You better be sure I am!" a smile small appeared on my face, yet my thoughts were still somewhere else. I was trying to bring the whole picture together again – and it wasn't good for my head. I felt the migraine creeping around the corner of my mind, clutching me in its painful claws. "So, where's your significant other?"

"Still in America. He has some workshops left and I was offered a nice job here in Seoul. Well paid and shit, but I don't think I'm going stay here for a long time. You know me, nothing and nobody can tame me."

"Yet, Jimin did a pretty good job taming you," I winked at her. I gave a side glance to Serah – who was still gripping on her glass of whisky. Seriously girl, what's wrong with you?

"Speaking about significant others, what about you? Is there anyone you're interested in? When we met last time, you were talking about that man you were seeing. About that producer. Are you still seeing him?"

What's wrong with you people, interrogating me like this.

I didn't want to talk about Min Yoongi.

Nope.

But it was mine fault in the first place. I should have shut my mouth back then when I was talking about him. I wouldn't have been in this _trouble_.

"Are you asking whether she's still fucking up her life? Because if that's the question, then the answer is yes, she's still seeing him, even though we keep telling her to stop. He's no good for her," this time it was Jungkook speaking. He was sitting comfortably on the sofa, gaining the hungry looks of the girls passing our booth.

Sunmi looked surprised.

And I didn't hold it against her.

"Are we talking about _that_ producer?"

"And rapper," Jungkook added, downing his scotch.

"I told you to shut the fuck up few hours ago, so why are you still talking?"

"Because..."

"Everyone please welcome the almighty Kim Taehyung, who is finally free from reading the most boring essays ever!"

With that, the whole issue about me and the mysterious Min Yoongi was crushed. I was thankful for that, though. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss this openly. People still had ears, and I didn't want anyone to know about my 'relationship' with him. Okay, that might have sounded a bit paranoid, but still. The thing was – I was a secret. A dirty little secret nobody should know about. But as far as I knew, Yoongi's co-producer and best friend, Kim Namjoon, was very well aware of my existence. As much as my inner circle knew about my relationship with him.

Secrets weren't secrets in the end.

Since everyone was busy with Taehyung's magnificent arrival, Sunmi used the situation to grab my hand and drag me all the way down to the bar. She ordered two shots of vodka, leaning against the bar counter. She looked marvelous – long wavy blonde hair, soft make-up adoring her face, clad in all black. She was a magnet, everyone was drawn to her – men and also women.

"So, what's the problem?" she asked me casually. Because she knew there's one. She knew there's a lie.

"What do you mean?" I decided to play stupid. Just in case.

"Stop doing it, you look naïve. You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the _Agust D issue_."

"How do you know?!" I hissed quietly, leaning closer to her. Here comes my paranoia again.

"First, you told me about him like five months ago. Second, who do you think Park Jimin is? Yes, my Park Jimin is a friend of Min Yoongi. And actually, they talk a lot. He's been talking about some side chick he was fucking here and there for a while, but he never said the name. But, as I have told you, I'm not stupid. I put two and two together, and the result was you, Miseo."

"Please, don't tell anyone?" I asked, my voice suddenly so high pitched. Not that she would tell anyone in the first place.

But I was scared.

I was damn scared, because the whole world suddenly seemed to be so small. Everyone knew everyone, and it made the chills run down my spine. How could I never thought something like this might happen? Of course, everyone had friends, that was almost the most natural thing. But I've never thought Sunmi's boyfriend was a friend of mine... mine what? What was he to me?

Definitely not boyfriend.

"Why would I do that, exposing you two like this? I don't care about him. But I care about you. And I don't want you to get hurt. Jimin told me about him, and if I understood right, Yoongi isn't someone built for a relationship. You should leave that ship before you will go down with it."

"Don't you think this is my decision to do? I know what's the best for me."

"He's not the best for you."

"I know."

"But you won't stop seeing him."

"No, I won't."

At least for now, but that was something I wasn't ready to say out loud. Deep down I knew he's not going to change for me. Not for anyone. He has his music, his producing, his performing.

I had my life as well. I had my troublesome family, I had my damaged health and I had the best inner circle of friend I could have asked for. I had the job I loved doing.

And I had him.

Somehow, I still had him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you feel the drama? Because I can.


	4. Scene 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native speaker. Bear with me.

_Life was spinning around, everything was colorful, but I was lost. I was lost in the beauty and madness of this world. An alternative world I haven’t known until now. The world everyone kept talking about, yet every single one of them was scared to cross its borders. They said once you come here, the claws of this world won’t let you come back._

_Coming here wasn’t my decision. I was dragged here, kicked here. Someone out there, in the real world, didn’t want me anymore._

_Like your mother._

_Like your sister._

_In your family._

_Those words were running through my mind as I was carelessly stumbling across the colorful world without end. The cacophony of spinning colors before my eyes gave me a headache, yet I kept walking. Maybe if I walk far enough, I will find a way out of this world._

_Or maybe somebody will come to rescue me._

_Who knows._

***

Another attack. Another episode. This one was unexpected, though. It happened when I was home alone, torturing myself with ‘ _what ifs’_ and other shit. Not now, when I was in a club full of people, surrounded by my closest friends.

I found myself gripping the dirty bathroom sink, watching my reflection in the mirror. In reality, I wasn’t looking at myself. I saw that weird colorful world that was chasing me for past three years. My brother, who was one of the best neurologists in Seoul said that having bad dreams or even nightmares was completely normal while suffering from permanent post-traumatic amnesia. I remember when I told him about my first seizure (or how should I call it, I was not sure). His face was pale, and he was looking at me like I was an alien or something utterly disgusting.

“Why haven’t you told me about it before?”

“Because I was scared. I had a nice encounter with a concrete without fatal brain injury. Yet my brain is fucking with me. Don’t blame me, even my life is new to me.”

“You call post-traumatic amnesia an ‘encounter without fatal brain injury’ Miseo? That’s stupid, sister.”

He ran some tests, but he didn’t find anything. Since then, I haven’t told him about my repeated attacks. They weren’t often, but they were annoying. And he didn’t need to know anyway. He would only stick his nose in what’s not his business. I was way too old for him to babysit me and watch my every step.

When I came back to the booth, Taehyung and Serah were gone, but their glasses were still sitting on the table. I gave Jungkook a questionable look – he only shrugged, his long fingers pointing to the direction of dance floor. And there they were, the Kims. Serah was a little bit sheepish, but it was Taehyung who was living in the moment. His body was moving like a liquid fluid, while his arms were wrapped around Serah’s waist. If I hadn’t known him, I wouldn’t tell he’s a university professor. I’d say he’s a professional dancer like Jimin, Hobi and I were.

Life was funny sometimes.

“Anyway, Sunmi had to go make a call, something business related.”

“Everyone’s leaving us. Like always.”

“Woah, should I feel offended? It sounds like you don’t want to spend time with your best friend, missy,” Jungkook gave me one of his infamous smirks. Any other girl would fall head over heels for him, but not me, not anymore. This chapter of our lives was long gone and finished.

“I have never said such things, sweet little boy,” I sent him a flying kiss.

He caught it.

And ate it.

Gross.

I was about the say something, but then the phone in my purse beeped. Yeah, I kind of had some superpowers, hearing my phone ringing even though the music in the club was basically blasting. I quickly fished it out, scanning the display with my clouded vision. The aftermath of the attack was still there, and I had to focus a lot just to read the message.

_You out?_

The breath hitched in my throat as I was looking around whether is someone looking at me. But I was alone here, in the safety of the VIP booth, only having Jungkook by my side.

_Yeah, I’m out. Inner circle. Why? I’m not scheduled for today._

Damn, I was talking too much.

Jungkook gave me a glare. Then he realized I was holding the phone in my hands – and he immediately knew.

“Don’t you even thing about leaving us there. It was your idea to come here in first place. Miseo…” he inhaled deeply and suddenly I knew I’m going to be lectured about the way I live my life and the decisions I make.

But it didn’t come.

“You know what, it would be pointless anyway,” he just shrugged, downing the shot that was sitting in front of him. Woah, look at him. He wasn’t in mood for a lecture, that was something new.

The phone in my hands beeped again.

_My ‘inner circle’ is up for some ** **trip****. Want to hang out around?_

Cold sweat suddenly ran down my spine. Seven months and three weeks exactly, as I have said before. I was walking on thin ice, risking it would break under me, cold water taking my body, never letting me take a breath again. This is exactly how I could describe my relationship with Yoongi and his close friends. Trip parties were almost on weekly basis as his _inner circle_ and colleagues were fed up with work and needed some kind of release. They found it in occasionally taking LSD while chilling at the studio grounds. They were safe there, nobody knew about their dirty little secrets.

Nobody but me.

I have never tried it and the reason was simple. I was afraid. The last time I took drugs, I ended up in hospital for almost half a year.

And neither did Yoongi. Yes, he had a soft spot for whisky, but never drugs. He was just sitting there, watching his friends getting smashed and shit-faced. But he had never touched drugs. Not that I was aware of it. And I never asked, because discussing private matters was a taboo between us. We knew certain things about each other, but we kept that deep shit for ourselves.

“I never said I’m leaving the party,” I murmured mostly to myself as I was typing the reply.

Single two words, but it should be enough.

_Not today._

***

Sore. Tired. And ready to chunk down a bottle of red wine my father brought from France and I managed to successfully steal during my last visit. I bet my ass he noticed (because the wine was peeking from my small backpack I always carried around), yet he hasn’t said single word. Maybe he was finally done with me and my wine obsession.

“Stop panting like a first grader, I know you can do a lot better, Ms. Lee.”

Always cheerful, always in mood, Jung Hoseok, owner and the head of the Hope World dance studio. Many times his energy saved me when I was at the edge of mental breakdown. And many times I was fed up with him, always being so high and above everything.

He became one of my closest friends after I moved my ass back to Seoul. Since doctor and my brother agreed that my health condition is good enough for me to start dancing again, I immediately found his dance studio on the internet. All of his classes were booked off, but I managed to squeeze myself in one for the beginners.

Even though I wasn’t a beginner. But better start off again than jumping into a class full of professional dancers. Hoseok saw me dancing there a few times. Actually, it took him two months to come up to me and tell me I’m too good for his beginners’ classes.

And that was it. He was the first person I was sure that didn’t play any role in my _previous_ life.

Serah was there, but I didn’t remember her.

Even Sunmi was there. Unfortunately, I didn’t remember her either.

But I still remember their faces when I woke up in the hospital. Serah was pale and skinny, she was clinging to Taehyung way too much. It was strange because she was crying a lot, but he was avoiding my eyes. He barely introduced himself. Staring into the corner of the room was probably way more interesting than having an eye contact with a girl lying on the hospital bed. I didn’t blame him, though. He was a stranger to me.

While Serah was crying in the arms of her beloved one, Sunmi was sitting on my bed, holding my hand tightly. They told me they were my friends of two years. That meant I met them when I were eighteen. Exactly by the time I apparently ran from Busan to Seoul for the first time. This was the only one information I managed to get out of them. Friends of two years, one of them alone and the other one being wrapped in the arms of her man.

Still, some pieces of puzzle were missing.

Something precious to me was missing and I couldn’t grasp it.

And there I go, zoning out again.

“I’m just tired. And I would appreciate if you didn’t call me a first grader. You damn well know I’m better than that,” I gave him a playful smirk because you simply couldn’t be mad at Jung Hoseok. Nope, that was mission impossible.

“I heard stories. Did you crush at Mint last night? Too bad I couldn’t join your little party. Apparently, Sunmi was there too,” he said with a dreamy smile plastered on his face. He really adored Sunmi, but he would never cross the line. Jimin was a precious friend of his and Hoseok would never make a move towards Jimin’s girl.

“Heard stories? As far as I’m aware, nothing interesting happened.”

“So, you haven’t ended up dancing on the bar? Along with Jungkook, who was pretty much wasted?” he raised an eyebrow, giving me one of his sinful smirks.

“Well, it’s true I drank a little more than I intended at first, but in my defense, it wasn’t my idea in first place. Jungkook was already shit-faced when we took over the dance floor. It was his idea to climb the bar and show them all we are good dancers.”

Moral of the story? Never listen to your younger best friend because you will only end up embarrassing yourself. Also, one of my traitorous best friends had to tell Hoseok, he wouldn’t be teasing me like that.

“Again, too bad I wasn’t there. I bet my sexy ass it’d have been very good content for next video. My YouTube channel needs to be updated as soon as possible.”

“If you had done something like this, I’d sue your _sexy ass_.”

“Showing off the claws again, rawrrr. That’s something I love about you the most, Miseo. Anyway, do you have any plans for tonight?”

_Yes, I’m going to see that damn producer._

“Yep,” I said as I was packing all of my stuff. I was done with the classes for today – I had four hours of beginners and I was already done. The wine at my apartment was a nice cherry on top after today’s busy schedule, but first I was about to see a certain raven-haired man.

Wine had to wait a little longer. Not that it would run away.

“Nice. I have another two classes. Jungkook said he’s on his way to shoot another video. God bless his golden soul, that boy is one of a million. Which brings me to…”

“Don’t you even dare, Hobi. We had this conversation countless of times. I wasn’t dating Jungkook, I’m not dating Jungkook and I will never date Jungkook. Just because we slept together once or twice doesn’t mean I have to be in relationship. And anyway, it was almost a year ago.”

“You would make such a sweet couple.”

Can I kick this man, please?

“Enough! I’m off, you annoying man!”

“You know you love me,” he laughed, sending me a flying kiss.

“Yeah, you piece of…”

He gave me a dangerous look, offering me some time to re-think my answer.

“…piece of man with the sexiest ass ever.”

“That’s my girl.”

Except I was nobody’s girl. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this one is kind of short. But believe me, the more interesting plot is on it's way!


	5. Scene 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native speaker, so you have to bear with me. But that you probably already know.

Moving around Seoul without my car was pain in the ass. Ever since the accident happened, I was stripped off my driving license (which wasn’t surprising, but it was getting on my nerves a lot). I had to rely upon city transport and cabs.

Once again, it was annoying.

The driver dropped me off near the DT label as I asked him not to pull off the car right in front of the building.

Lee Miseo, the master in disguise.

Well, not really.

I paid the driver, sneaking closer to the building. Inside, at the reception, the young lady asked for my visitor’s card I was always carrying around. At first, Yoongi didn’t want to give me one. He said it’s pointless anyway, but after my countless attempts to actually steal it from him, he decided to give me one. I clearly remember him handing me the little plastic card with a scoff on his face saying ‘ _pff, annoying_ ’.

The grounds of DT label were always familiar to me. Which was a paradox since Yoongi tried to keep this ‘relationship’ thing secret. I knew some of the staff, the special ones, those that always took part of the trip parties. And I also knew Yoongi’s co-producer and best friend, Kim Namjoon.

The man I accidentally bumped into when I was staring on my phone’s screen, wasn’t really paying attention to my surroundings.

“Hey there, little one. I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you going to see the grumpy old man?” he smiled at me, his dimples showing. He was cute, he really was. But when he wanted, he was hot as hell.

And he rapped like a god himself.

I pulled down the black mask covering my face, giving him a small smile. Mask and caps or beanies. Aka rule number one – never be seen in public (either together or sneaking to see him at his apartment or studio). Tough but worth it. I guess.

“Hello, Joonie. Yeah, I just finished at Hope’s. How are you doing?”

“Tired, as always. I would gladly talk to you, little one, but I’m in hurry. The new song won’t finish itself. So, see you soon, I guess?”

“Of course. See you.”

“Yep. And oh, hurry up. Seokjin hyung brought some food. Yoongi has his studio loaded, but if you won’t hurry up, he will eat it all.”

“Can’t imagine, but okay. Thanks, Joonie. See you soon,”

I maneuvered through the corridors of the label, knowing exactly where to go. Yoongi had the biggest studio in here which wasn’t surprising since he was owner of the label as well. Once, when we were drunk on expensive Irish whisky, he told me about his background, about the time when he was only an underground rapper in Daegu. He so wanted to work in music industry, producing songs for himself and other artists as well.

It only took him few years. Now, he was twenty-five years old and he was on top.

One of the few facts I knew about him.

Yet, Min Yoongi was a mystery for me.

But the mystery worth solving.

I peeked inside – and there he was, Min Yoongi in his all glory sitting beside the table with some white food boxes scattered around the table. He didn’t forget about the wine as well. There was an opened bottle of red one right next to him.

“Drinking alone?”

He immediately turned to face me, a shocked expression slowly spreading on his face. I didn’t blame him. Even though he was the one who wanted to see me, this place wasn’t the one we agreed to meet at. Usually, it was my place. Occasionally, his place. Most of the time, it was a VIP lounge in Mint. Yes, the club I managed to embarrass myself at yesterday.

“Miseo. I didn’t expect you this soon. I still have some work left to do, so…” he rubbed his bloodshot eyes.

“Come on, it’s not like I’m going to bother you or something,” I murmured quietly. In fact, that was exactly what I was going to do. But once he gave me his cold side glance, my mood immediately dropped. Well then, mister, why asking for my presence when you have no time for me? “And yeah, I’m finished with my classes at Hope’s today, so I guess I’m free.”

Why am I even explaining myself?

“Remind me, why am I still seeing you?” he asked, his attention now fully on me. I made myself comfortable on the couch, stripping off my leather jacket and kicking down the high heels I loved to wear twenty-four-seven.

“Because you find me irresistible since the moment you laid your eyes on me for the very first time. That’s the first thing. You also do have this soft spot for me. Should I continue, _Agust D?_ ”

I heard him clicking his tongue before he said:

“Come here.”

“That was fast,” I giggled quietly as my last brain cell was probably leaving me for good. Every time he talked to me like this, inviting me to his arms, throwing away his work just because of _me_ , I felt like a school girl who was doing something against her strict parents’ rules. My legs felt like a jelly when I made my way to him, lowering myself to his lap.

It was different than spending time with my best friends, of course. Being with lover was always something entirely else than just hanging around with a bunch of young people. With him, I felt like a different person. Someone, who existed only within my insides, crawling outside only occasionally – during those limited times I was able to spend with him. Even my friends didn’t know about the person I became every time I was with Yoongi.

It felt special.

Too bad it only felt special in my head.

And in my heart.

“Now, excuse you, but be a good man and hand me that bottle of red wine. I was ready to chunk down the one I have at my apartment, but since you crashed my whole night, mister, I have to use yours.”

“Look at her, little kitten is showing her claws. Hot and dangerous. For you, of course.”

“Are you threating me?”

“I don’t know, am I?”

“Min Yoongi, are you teasing me? I didn’t know you’re up for games tonight. You were so eager two days ago I had to cover the marks on my wrists. Yet, here we go, hungry again, aren’t we?”

“Oh, shut up, kitten,” he smirked, handing me the bottle of wine. Probably to make me shut the hell up. Couldn't say it wasn’t working, though.

I took a gulp, tasting the red liquid on my tongue. It was sweet as it was running down my throat. I wasn’t a fan of sweet wines, but this one was delicate in some way.

“Are you enjoying this one, princess?” he asked me, leaning back in his chair. I saw him shamelessly checking me out while he kept that sly smirk on his face.

“You very well know I’m a sucker for wine. Not this sweet, but I still am,” I answered, placing the bottle back on the table. The look on his face was implying that he didn’t intend to work on his music anymore tonight. Even though he wasn’t the most opened person walking on this planet, I knew some of his traits like the back of my hand.

“Oh, princess, I certainly do know,” he chuckled quietly, his arms sneaking closer to me, wrapping around my waist like a pair of lustful snakes. That simple movement made me lean closer to him. The scent of his expensive cologne hit my senses and suddenly I remembered how his hands felt the other night when he was roaming my body, ravishing me and giving me exactly what both of us wanted. It felt so good but so bad at the same time. I knew I shouldn’t have been doing it, but yet here I go, tangled in the arms of the man that will probably never love me.

He loved my body.

But he never loved me.

I shook my head a little, trying so desperately to get rid of those annoying thoughts. This wasn’t the right place nor the right time to be thinking about issues like this one.

“Is something bothering you?” his soft voice snatched me back to the reality. He was running his hands through his blond locks, clearly indicating he was tired and definitely done with his work.

“Nope, I was just thinking. As always,” I shrugged, trying to play it cool “actually, I was thinking we could grab a dinner? But then I remembered Seokjin brought you some food.”

“We can grab it and go eat somewhere else if you don’t feel comfortable here,” he murmured as he pulled me closer, burying his face into the crook of my neck. He wasn’t this touchy most of the time, but when he was, I made sure I befitted from it as much as possible.

Well, not this time. There was clearly something bothering him, but I knew him too well to know he’s not going to say a word about it.

So, I let it be.

“My place? Hotel? Or… your place?” I tried it quietly. In the end, I woke up at his place not even two days ago, it wouldn’t hurt to go there again.

“Let’s just pack this shit and go to my place.”

And my heart skipped yet another beat.

***

The black t-shirt reached almost to the half of my thighs, but I didn’t mind. I was sitting on the couch, enjoying bulgogi Seokjin brought to Yoongi’s studio. It was delicious – like everything Seokjin has ever cooked. No wonder he was one of the best chefs in Korea. Lately, he opened third restaurant somewhere in Hongdae. I liked to visit – and not because I ate there for free. Definitely not.

Yoongi was sprawled right next to me, looking into his phone, scrolling through posts on his SNS mindlessly. He didn’t pay any attention to me, which made me kind of hurt, but I definitely wasn’t one of those drama queens who would just snatch his phone out of his hands and demand attention. I knew he would give it to me when he feels like it. And it was worth waiting for.

Anyway, I had food. I had plenty of food – and wine as well. Yoongi liked wine, too and he always made sure to have few bottles stored.

“You know…” he said suddenly, throwing his phone on the table. “I was thinking about getting a tattoo.”

I shot him a surprised glance, raising my eyebrows as I wasn’t expecting hearing something like that from him.

“How come?” I asked, chewing happily on my bulgogi.

He licked his lower lip, staring right into my soul.

“I don’t know. Maybe I got the idea during that one time I was taking you from behind and saw that pretty lotus tattoo of yours on your back. Maybe it triggered me into wanting one, too.”

I gasped.

I literally gasped, almost dropping the chopsticks. I felt the heat in my cheeks as I tried to hide from his deadly stare.

“That’s not the reason, Yoongi. Stop fooling me.”

“I’m not fooling you, Miseo. I’m really thinking about getting one.”

“Then I can ask Jungkook. You can book an appointment at his studio. He’s really good at what he’s doing. Actually, it was him who gave me that lotus. It was during the time I moved there from Busan.”

The moment I mentioned moving my ass from Busan to Seoul, he averted his gaze, biting on his lower lip. Suddenly, he wasn’t interested in getting tattoo anymore and I could see it. He got lost in his thoughts. He was always lecturing me about this, yet he did the same.

I never blamed him.

I finished my bulgogi, picking up the dirty plates to take them to kitchen. The sudden change of the atmosphere caught me off guard, so I didn’t even realize I wasn’t alone anymore. Yoongi was standing in the doorframe, leaning against it with his hands crossed on his chest.

“What about we go to bed?”

“I think it might be the greatest idea you’ve ever had, Min Yoongi,” I smiled at him, swallowing hard. I won’t let anything to destroy this nice evening – not mine thoughts and not even his. He reached for my hand and I let my fingers tangled with his. It didn’t take him long to actually scoop me into his arms and take me to the bedroom where the king-sized bed was. I loved sleeping in that bed, it was big and comfortable, and I could imagine spending there my whole life.

Which I won’t, obviously.

But before he let go of my body completely, I caught a glimpse of a photo lying on his nightstand. I immediately reached for that, because, let’s be honest here, Yoongi wasn’t the one to keep memories, not photos. There wasn’t a single framed photo in his apartment. Meaning, this one was somehow special, and I couldn’t stop my sneaky curious fingers from reaching for it.

Except I’ve never reached for the photo. Yoongi grabbed my wrists, fuming angrily.

“What do you think you are doing?”

“I just wanted to see the photo. Can you let go of me?”

He immediately let go of my wrists, snatching the photo and literally taking it away from the bedroom. I heard him cursing quietly from the living room as he was going through various drawers, probably trying to hide the photo from me.

Well, if he simply told me not to touch it, I wouldn’t.

He came back to the bedroom, acting like nothing has happened, but his eyes were reflecting something I couldn’t grasp.

_Just who the fuck was on that photo?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some serious drama is about to come, I swear.


	6. Scene 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

It was bugging me. Of course, it was bugging me. I couldn’t stop thinking about that goddamn photo for a single moment. It was on my mind as I was lying beside Yoongi, it was on my mind as I was quietly dressing myself in the morning, leaving his apartment while he was still deep asleep. A single thought flashed through my mind – _go and snoop around, Miseo. Go and look for the photo._

I shook my head, desperately trying to get rid of that thought. Who I was to snoop around his apartment, looking for the photo he obviously didn’t want me to see?

That would be so low of me.

“Already leaving? Isn’t it me who kicks you out every time?”

Woah, seven in the morning and we are already this harsh? Okay, this game could be played by two.

“Well then, you should make me stop waking up in your bed. In the end, it was your idea to go to your place last night. You proposed it, Yoongi.”

“Are you accusing me, princess?”

“I’m not doing anything. Anyway, I’m running late.”

“Where are you going?”

“Hospital.”

“Hospital?”

“Yeah. My biannual medical check-up is today. They are going to turn me into a lab rat for half a day just to tell me that nothing has changed and that I’m not getting the lost five years of my life back. Nothing new, anyway.”

“Is Junseo going to run your tests?”

“Yeah. He’s now the head of the department of neurology at National University Hospital. I guess he’s not going back to Cali after all.”

He was quietly watching me for a while, almost burning a hole into the back of my head.

“So… You don’t remember anything. You really don’t remember anything.”

“Anything apart the moment I was hugging the cold concrete and screaming internally.”

We went through this so many times. Sometimes, he just kept asking me about my memory, about the things I did remember and about the things I didn’t remember. Honestly, it felt off sometimes, but it couldn’t be helped. My mind was damaged, and I could be glad that I’m alive. They didn’t give me any hope when the ambulance brought me to the hospital.

“Let me know when you’re done with your tests, okay? I want to be sure you’re fine,” he sighed, burying himself under the blanket which only meant he’s done with the conversation we held.

“You know I’m fine. I’m not going to remember anything, I don’t see the point of biannual check-ups, but still,” I shrugged. Yoongi stayed still under the blankets and I knew it was time to leave.

I remember the first time I told him about the hell I was going through every six months. At first, it was every month. But ever since doctors found out I’m not going to remember anything, they postponed my check-ups to every six months. It was the same hell all over again. Blood tests, CT scans, RTGs and a lot of other shit. Pointless questions and unnecessary answers. Yet, it was still the same, all over again.

“So… See you later?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I take it as yes, you know.”

“Take it however you want, princess. But I will be in my studio.”

“No worries, if I really want to, I know where to find you.”

*** 

“Isn’t it weird that it’s you who is examining me?” I asked as my brother was scribbling something into his small notebook he always carried around. After he finished doing his notes, he turned to the PC, filling my patient card with the results.

“Why should it be weird? I’m a doctor, Miseo. Certified doctor. As well as your sister, who is a certified lawyer and helped to save your ass when you wrecked that car in the middle of Seoul.”

Okay, but what was going on today? Did everyone agree on bashing me? Dragging me around and splashing the ugly truth right into my face? I knew what I did wrong and I tried so hard to atone for my sins.

The thing is, Seohyun really helped a lot when the police was investigating my case. Of course, there wasn’t a single way possible to false my drug test results. Everyone knew I was high on THC and the alcohol was running through my veins. But instead of going straight to the jail, I went to Busan into my parents’ care. I was under the house arrest until they acknowledged me harmless. I didn’t remember shit, I didn’t know why I was driving like that, I didn’t even know what I was doing in Seoul. Stupid little girl did something out of pure… what? Stupidity?

Also, the fact that my dad was a diplomat was really helpful. So, not only my older sister held the power in her hands. My dad did part of the job as well.

“It’s been three years and you’re still blaming me. If this is the way you’re trying to make me remember, then let me tell you, brother, you’re going to fail. I don’t remember anything. I don’t know why I did what I did. So, blame me as much as you want, it’s just not going to work,” I sighed as I was sitting on the hospital bed, swinging my legs and praying to all of the gods just to be done with this hell of a place.

“Have you had another episode?” he asked me out of nowhere, completely ignoring my previous speech.

I stayed silent.

“Miseo?”

“Maybe?”

“Define maybe.”

“Two days ago,” I gulped, trying to swallow harsh memories of the night out.

“Two days ago, and you haven’t told me? What did you see this time?” he asked me, putting everything aside. He seemed concerned about my last attack and I didn’t know whether it was because he was the chief surgeon or my older brother. I’ve never had good relationship with my older siblings in the first place.

“Promise me you won’t laugh?”

“Mi, I’m a doctor. I won’t laugh. It’s important to know what you are seeing during your seizures. It might help us guide you. It might help you remember, get your lost five years back again.”

“You know that’s not true. I’m not getting it back no matter what. And who knows, maybe I don’t want to get it back at all.”

Junseo sighed heavily, running his hand through his raven-black hair.

“I swear to God; Dante’s hell is nothing compared to dealing with you.”

“Should I feel flattered? Because comparing me to Dante feels like that.”

“Stop with your bullshit right now, just tell me what you saw.”

“I saw a colorful world. It felt almost like I was on… trip or something. It felt like I was high, and everything was mixing up right before my eyes. You know, people say they see a white light at the end of a tunnel when they are dying. But I entered the said world. It seemed like there was no escape. Not a single door to run through. I felt like… I felt like somebody kicked me out of this world to the colorful one. It felt like I was dead, to be honest.”

“Miseo, that’s not possible. Things you’re describing right now, that’s simply not possible,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. My brother gave me a stern look, almost like I was a little child making up an unbelievable story.

“Why? Why would I lie to you, Junseo? I know we don’t have the best relationship, but I’d never lie to you.”

“Things you’re describing… those are the same people with near death experience tell me all the time. There’s not a single note about the NDE in your file. And you know that medicine doesn’t believe in such a thing. It must have been your brain showing you things and pictures. There’s something wrong with you, Miseo.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me!”

“Then why did you drive intoxicated?! And high as fuck?!”

I was ready to fight back about the NDE conspiracy, but not this. I was not ready for my brother to blame me like this. I was not ready to be blamed by the things I didn’t remember.

But mostly, I was not ready for the way he snapped at me.

Of course, it was my fault. I was never fighting against that. There must had been reason for me to do all those things, but ever since I woke up in the hospital, desperately trying to remember events before, my memory turned into a pitch-black hole.

“Why don’t you fucking go back to California, Junseo? Seohyun will be happy to have you by her side again. In the end, you two were always inseparable. So why caring about me now? Why caring about me at all? I’m your little sister both of you hated so much, so why do you care so much? Why am I even your patient? I can simply take my records and bring it to another doctor in Seoul. You know, you’re not the only one chief neuro-surgeon in Seoul. Just… go fuck yourself.”

***

“You really told him to go fuck himself?” Serah asked me, sitting comfortably on my sofa. She was sipping on the green tea I offered her the second she entered my apartment.

“What else should I have told him? He indirectly accused me of lying and making up stories in my head. And he also accused me of my accident.”

“That’s just so wrong of him,” Taehyung said, hugging Serah around her waist. He was there as well since it was his day off. Every time he was free, they spent the time together. I could swear to god, they were inseparable. But I liked spending time with them both. In the end, they were my Kims.

“It is, and I’m tired of it. It isn’t like a miracle is going to happen and I’m going to get my memory back. In the end, I made a peace with the fact I lost five years of my life. I built it up again, without the help of my parents or siblings. They were never here for me, anyway.”

“Miseo, that’s not true. It might not look like that, but I bet your parents and siblings love you so much. They are just concert about you like we are. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Maybe that’s the reason you had another episode?”

“I had them even when I wasn’t under the stress. I tried to tell my brother when it happened for the first time, but he didn’t listen to me. And now he’s the concerned one? I guess it’s too late.”

“Then change your doctor, it’s easy.”

“It’s not that easy, Taehyungie. If it was, I’d have changed my doctor months ago,” I sighed. Once I’ve tried to get my medical records, but it was pointless. Since my older brother was the chief-surgeon and my father being a diplomat, I had no power in that field. They basically caged me there, holding me in their spares. I felt like a little kid, kicking and screaming around just to break free.

The real question was – will I ever break free?

“Okay, enough of this depressive shit topic. We should talk about something else,” Serah proposed as she finished her green tea.

“Lay down your cards then.”

“Come on, my wife always has the best ideas,” Taehyung encouraged her, kissing her temple tenderly. They were just so sweet together. I remember the day she asked me to be one of her maids. I didn’t know how to react besides screaming and throwing my arms around her. Serah knew I was not the type to get married and live happily ever after. But she still asked me to stand by her side during the most important day of her life.

“I’ve never said otherwise, man.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” he teased me.

“That’s the other thing,” I laughed because he was right. I wouldn’t dare to go into an argument with him. He didn’t seem like that, but he was too reasonable. Having an argument with Taehyung was almost impossible. And once you crossed that line, there wasn’t coming back. “Any plans for tonight, you love birds?”

“We are having dinner with my parents. They came to visit after a while.”

“Sounds like a family’s night out.”

Sounds like something scaring me to the grave and back. I couldn’t imagine going out and have a dinner with my parents. And I couldn’t even imagine going out with Yoongi plus my parents. Not that it was about to happen.

It would.

Only in my dreams.

Taehyung and Serah didn’t stay long. They finished their teas and went home to get ready for the family event. And once again, I was left alone with my thoughts. I so wanted to open that bottle of red wine I wanted to drink for past two days.

What was stopping me? The last time I knew, I was a grown ass woman with free will. I could have opened a bottle of wine and I could have drunk it all by myself. No warnings needed. But the second I was about to pour myself a glass of good wine, someone knocked on my door.

“Just what the fuck, leave me alone,” I murmured as I finished pouring myself the said wine, walking with the glass in my hand to the hallway, ready to _greet_ the intruder.

And I was surprised to see drunk Jungkook leaning against the doorframe. There were days when he looked better, but right now he was completely wasted.

“Miseo.”

“Jungkook, you’re drunk.”

“Hundred points to Gryffindor! You got it right, I’m drunk. And I came to tell you something.”

“Woah, you’re too generous to give me hundred points, don’t you think? And if you were a good friend, you would know I’m a Slytherin, not Gryffindor. Now tell me.”

“They’ve been lying to you. They’ve been lying to you the entire time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mamamoo's Egoistic playing in the background. I know, I know. I'm going to untangle the web of lies. One day.


	7. Scene 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

“Kook, what are you talking about? Oh my god, you’re drunk as hell. Come inside,” I grabbed him by his jacket, pulling his body into my apartment. I didn’t want to risk my neighbors seeing him banging on my door and screaming drunk in the hallway. They already hated me, so why adding oil to the burning fire?

“No, Miseo. You don’t understand. They’ve been lying to you. I’ve been lying to you all the time! And I’m fucking sick and tired of keeping all those dirty secrets. You don’t remember but you should know. We should have told you long time before.”

My heart skipped few beats as he was talking. He was completely smashed, I was sure he won’t remember those things tomorrow, but he kept talking.

Jungkook took two brave steps towards me, his hands landing on my hips as he smashed me against the wall. His breath hit my senses and I didn’t know whether I was about to puke or kick him into his groins.

“We’ve been in your life before,” he said quietly. Okay, but was he joking? I was aware of the fact that I knew them all from my previous life. From the life I didn’t remember.

“I know.”

“I was in your life before.”

“I know, Kookie. I know you were there,” I dared to lift my hand and caress his cheek. He was always there for me. He always stood by my side, whether I was wrong or right.

“I loved you, Miseo. I loved you so much. And it hurt when you left Busan for the first time. It hurt when you packed your shit and left me behind. I’ve always thought there might have been something going on between us. But no. You had him. You had your man because Sunmi’s boyfriend introduced you to each other. It’s all his fault. It’s Jimin’s fault things escalated like this.”

“Jungkook, you’re drunk.”

“Drunk people say what sober think. Isn’t it like that, Miseo? It was you who told me this. It was you, always spilling out your broken heart when you were drunk as fuck back in Busan. How many times have I let you crush at my place? How many times have I let myself get heartbroken all over again? That was so selfish of you, Miseo.”

“Jungkook, I don’t know! I don’t remember shit! I don’t know what you’re talking about! Just… let go of me, please. Let go of me and go home. Sleep it over and it’s going to be fine.”

“For fuck’s sake, nothing it going to be okay! When you’re going to remember that it was Yoongi’s fault you ran away from Busan?! You ran away with him when you were eighteen! If it wasn’t for Jimin’s interference, you’d be living happily in Busan! With me! But no, you had to run with that underground rapper who is treating you like a hooker now. He didn’t tell you, did he? He didn’t tell you he knows you for past five years. He even dared to came to the hospital when you were in coma. Junseo almost beat the shit out of him. Seokjin should have left him to do so…”

Jungkook was spilling the names of my friends out of his mouth like it was nothing. All those names were rolling down his tongue with such familiarity in his voice. Like he had knew them all.

And suddenly, the weight of reality hit me like a train wreck.

_They’ve been lying to you. I’ve been lying to you._

“I hate myself for telling you like this. But I was too tired to watch you stumble through your life without knowing the truth. Your own parents were lying to you the whole time. They just didn’t want you to remember all the shit going on in your life.”

“Shut up, Jungkook. Just shut up.”

“No, you need to know the truth.”

“I don’t need some made-up lies! Get out, Jungkook. Go home and get sober, please. You have no idea what you’re talking about right now.”

Jungkook just laughed and his grip on my hips only tightened.

“Why would I lie to you? Me, all of those people being so close to you, why would _I_ lie to you? You’re the most important person in my life. I’d never lie to you. Never in my life. _Never_ , Miseo.”

From _hundred point to Gryffindor_ to this drama. I’ve always yearned for knowing the truth about my life. But never before I’ve imagined to be enlightened like this. Never before have I even dreamed about this harsh truth.

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

“Tell me, Miseo. Do you think he loves you? Do you think the man that has been lying to you for past year, truly loves you? Then what about me? I’ve been there, by your side, the entire time.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me the truth sooner?” I asked him as I felt tears slowly forming in my eyes. It was a burning sensation – I wanted to scream and kick around. I wanted to hit him, to kick him, to hate him for everything he has told me so far.

But at the same time, for some weird and odd reason, I wanted to kiss him.

I wanted to kiss him because I wanted to hurt Yoongi for his possible lies. I wanted to pay him back for not telling me we actually knew each other. I wanted to hurt him for not telling me he was the reason I ran away from Busan when I was eighteen.

Was he really in my life before?

Or was it just Jungkook making up some lies to apparently get me back?

“Go home. Please, go home.”

“No.”

What a simple answer. I didn’t have time to fight with him anymore as his lips were suddenly smashed against mine. He was still holding me firmly in his strong tattooed arms, never letting go of me. First, it was an innocent kiss. But giving it few more seconds, it grew into something more intense. A completely heated make out session. I caught myself tangling my fingers into his raven locks as he lifted me up without any troubles. I wrapped my legs around his waist, completely letting him take control over me.

“Don’t fight it, we’ve always belonged together, Miseo. You just don’t remember. Don’t you remember when you were seventeen and we skipped school just to hang out on Haeundae beach? Don’t you remember all those nights when I sneaked through the window you left opened for me?”

Tears were burning in the corner of my eyes as I let him kiss me, as I let him touch me. As I found myself being lost in his touch because it felt like I came home. It felt oddly familiar and I couldn’t fight it anymore.

“I don’t remember, Jungkook. I’m sorry, but I don’t remember,” I shook my head, wiping the tears away.

“Then I will make you remember.”

***

“Baby, can you please stop with your magic already? It’s making me nervous, I have to focus on these essays,” Taehyung said quietly, moving his glasses a little bit higher on his nose. He was watching his wife sitting on the floor with her legs crossed. There was a worried look on her face as she was looking on the cards laid in front of her.

Serah liked tarot cards reading. From time to time, she reached for the small package of cards she got from her grandmother before she moved to Seoul. Ever since they came home from the family dinner, she felt the urge to reach the cards and read from them.

“Hush, Tae! There’s something going on. Cards are trying to tell me something, but I don’t understand!” she was literally desperate. She was looking on the cards from every angle possible, murmuring something under her breath. Taehyung was concerned about her. There was no way he will finish marking those damned essays.

He put the stack of papers aside, joining his wife on the floor.

“Can you at least tell me who are you reading for? Yourself? Did something happen during dinner time? Have I not paid attention?” he asked her. Serah was soft soul, she could read the atmosphere and she hated lying to other people.

Yet she was doing it past three years.

“It’s about _the thing_. The one we all agreed on.”

“Serah, honey, we were talking about it. It wasn’t our decision…”

“It was! We could have prevented it! If we weren’t listening to them, everything would have been different.”

“Nothing would have changed, and you know it, baby. It was their decision. Who were we to talk back to them?”

“We were there when it happened, Taehyung. We were there, and we said nothing when he treated her like shit. If only someone had stood up and stopped him. She would _remember_.”

With those words, Serah reached for yet another card. Her hands were shaking a little as she peeked under the small piece of paper. The card came upwards – and Serah sighed as cold shivers ran down her spine.

The card showed a woman holding scales in her left hand and sword in her right hand. The card came upwards, meaning the hurtful truth will be disclosed.

Justice. Fairness. Law.

“Tae?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Shit is about to go down soon.”

*** 

I woke up with the worst heartache ever. People usually wake up with a headache or backpain or I don’t know what. But I woke up with a heartache. It wasn’t a physical pain, though. It felt like someone gutted me. Like someone ripped my heart out and threw it out of the window. A bit dramatic, but that was exactly how I felt this morning.

Not to mention that I didn’t wake up alone in my bed. And that was something I hated myself for so much. I wasn’t the type to cheat – not that I was in serious relationship. Not that I was in relationship at all.

Memories from last night started attacking me like annoying mosquitos. They were screaming, running through my mind like crazy. I didn’t have time to stop them, to grasp one of them and try to understand the whole situation.

I was going bat-shit crazy.

I left the bedroom silently as Jungkook was still sleeping on his side of the bed. Well, not really his side, but whatever.

I tip-toed to the kitchen where I gulped down the whole glass of water, hoping it will help me. But will it? Will it erase memories of last night? Will it erase memories of drunk Jungkook trying to convince me it was Jimin’s and Yoongi’s and who knows whose else’s fault?

I’ve been trying to remember why I did what I did. I tried so many times, but every single time I failed miserably. I asked around. I was annoying, going on with the same questions all over again. No one has ever answered me. No one told me what happened that night in October three years ago. And suddenly, Jungkook bursts into my apartment, drunk as fuck, spilling the tea.

It hurt.

It hurt as fuck.

It hurt to the point I threw the empty thing against the wall, small pieces of glass scattering all around the place.

And I screamed. I screamed in utter pain and desperation.

What happened last night was one hell of a nightmare and I didn’t want to believe it. One would think I’ll hate my friends and all of the people lying to me the whole time. But no. I hated myself the most. I didn’t know why, but I just did. I hated my persona, I hated my life, I hated the thing I did last night.

I hated the fact I let Jungkook engulf me in the web of lies and half-truths. I hated the fact I let him take me.

But mostly – I hated the fact I didn’t know whether it was all truth or not.


	8. Scene 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

Dancing.

Dancing was the only thing that kept me from falling apart. As soon as Jungkook woke up in the morning (it was mostly my fault, the sound of breaking glass woke him up – and I wasn’t even sorry), he tried to talk to me. He tried to explain his behavior and everything he had told me last night.

And as and welcoming as the explanation might have sounded, I didn’t want to listen to any other bullshit. I’ve had enough.

After that, I found myself stumbling to the metro station near my apartment, earphones plugged in, music blasting at the highest volume possible. I hoped it will mute my thoughts somehow, but it didn’t do its job. My mind was working on hundred percent, still coming back to the yesterday’s scene. I couldn’t stay at home, so I decided to go to Hope World.

That was the only place in the whole world where I could switch myself off, letting the music take the lead.

I danced. And danced. And danced. I danced until my feet started aching, until my whole body felt numb and I couldn’t move anymore. Then I found myself lying on the floor, mindlessly staring into the ceiling.

“I didn’t know you have a class in the morning.”

Hoseok entered the studio, giving me one of his bright smiles.

“I don’t,” I answered quietly.

“Hey, what happened? Why are you… Miseo, are you alright?” he asked, his voice full of worries. He sat down next to me while he was still sipping on his coffee. Usually he was the first one to be in the studio, he was basically living there. But today it was me.

“Sorry, I needed to do this choreography, there was an accident at my home and…”

“Stop lying, you’re a terrible liar. Tell me what _really_ happened. I might not be your best friend, but I’m a good listener.”

It was true. He really was a good listener. He was always there for me and I knew I could rely on him. We didn’t know each other for a long time, but we _clicked_ somehow. Sometimes it felt like he was my older brother. The one I wished to have (even though I had one).

“I’ve just been told something really… well, rather startling. Something I wasn’t expecting and now I can’t stop thinking about that issue. It’s just… I don’t know, Hobi. I just can’t stop myself from playing it all over again in my head.”

“Then if you don’t feel like it, why don’t you cancel your class today?” he asked me, and I knew he was concerned about me. I could clearly hear it in his voice.

“Because when I dance… well, it’s the only time I don’t feel disturbed. I need to occupy my brain and do something, otherwise I might go crazy.”

Hoseok was just quietly sitting next to me, still watching me with his worried eyes. He reached his hand, touching my shoulder slightly. But he left his hand there, as is he was wordlessly assuring me that whatever has happened, he will stay by my side. And I was really thankful for it.

I’ve stayed in the studio whole day. I skipped every meal possible even though my stomach was begging me to feed it with whatever food was in a reachable area. But I couldn’t. Eating just wasn’t on today’s to-do list. When I left the studio, it was nearly 10pm and my legs didn’t carry me to my apartment. My legs carried me to the metro station, taking the subway to DT Label because I knew Yoongi would be there. He’s always there, hiding in his studio, working on yet another masterpiece.

I haven’t met Namjoon this time. The hallways of DT Label were quiet almost as if there was not a single living soul. Yes, it was late, but it didn’t mean people working under and with Yoongi were sleeping or taking their time off.

He always knew who to choose to work with.

Hardworking people.

Like he was.

And who knows, maybe they were liars.

Like he was.

**Yoongi**

The scene flashing in front of his eyes was oddly familiar. He had seen her doing this before, he had seen her taking drugs, splashing it down with alcohol right after. But he had never seen her so broken before. She came into his studio later this evening, but she didn’t say anything. She was awfully quiet, only pecking his cheek. He tried to grab her and pull her in his lap, because, in the end, that was the place she belonged to. Long gone were the times when he was fighting the aching feel in his chest. He just didn’t want to admit that he fell for her hard.

He was only twenty when he met her for the first time. Back then, he was an underground rapper in Daegu with big dreams. She was an ordinary girl with fucked up family and strong desire to run away. Actually, it was Jimin who introduced them to each other. It was during summer when she finished the high school and hoped to make it to Hongik university in Seoul. She was full of life and dreams. Back then, they were sitting on the pier, swinging their legs in the air, chatting, screaming and laughing. It was such a great day and he made a promise to himself he will never forget it. And he never did. He didn’t forget it when he kissed her for the first time. He didn’t forget it when they threw their luggage into the trunk of his old car, being on their runaway to Seoul together. He didn’t forget it when they got drunk in Hongdae because he got a contract. He didn’t forget it when he took her to his new apartment, cuddling her soft and warm figure later on. And mostly, he didn’t forget it when he saw the crime scene, blood everywhere, people yelling and sirens screaming in the background. Seokjin grabbed his hand, ushering him back to the car so they could have got to the hospital as soon as possible.

He shook his head in disbelief.

She was broken, and he didn’t know why since she hasn’t been talking to him much. She just made herself comfortable in his studio, going over every drawer and secret place she was aware of.

Sometimes he hated himself for bringing her into this life again. He hated himself for creeping into her life, engulfing her in lies and half-truths. He almost made her into his sugar baby, into something she clearly wasn’t.

Never has been.

And never will be.

“Who did this to you?” no, he couldn’t cope with this stillness anymore. He couldn’t cope with her being high on the drugs he was keeping in his hideout of studio. For the mother of lord, those weren’t even his. But she still managed to sniff them out and actually had the guts to use them as well.

“Are you even asking me, Min Yoongi?” she asked him, piercing him with her hellish gaze.

“Yes, I’m asking,” he gulped hard, swallowing the invisible rock in his throat. He was feeling bad. He was feeling the shitstorm coming and he couldn’t brace himself anymore.

It was inevitable.

“What an audacity of a worldwide known rapper,” she giggled, but her laugh never reached her eyes. She was just sitting there, staring into the corner of the room.

“Miseo…”

“Yoongi?”

“Yes?”

“You’re a fucking liar.”

**Miseo**

“You’re a fucking liar,” I didn’t know how, but those words just simply rolled down my tongue. I was so familiar with them, it was so odd. But at the same time, it felt so good.

No, I didn’t remember.

No, a miracle didn’t happen, and I didn’t get my memory back.

I was just replaying Jungkook’s words all over again while being high on soft drugs mixed with alcohol. Very responsible of me, I knew, but the weird feeling was so familiar I couldn’t help myself.

The moment I entered Yoongi’s studio, I snooped around for some happy pills. Because I needed to become happy as soon as possible. My mood went down by hundred percent the second I saw his beautiful face.

“Give me the wine.”

“No way. You’re not getting my wine.”

“Your wine, pfff. Give me the wine, you liar.”

It was the first time I called him _liar_ that night. Because, according to Jungkook, with who I slept last night, he was.

Actually, the word ‘liar’ must have worked, because he wordlessly handed me the bottle of red wine, watching me cautiously. Ever since then I haven’t spoken to him. Not until the second he asked me who did this to me.

_You did this to me._

_My inner circle did this to me._ I wanted to say, but I remained silent. Instead of that, I called him liar one more time.

“And why would I be liar? Care to explain me what has happened, Miseo?” I hated him for the way he was saying my name. For the way it rolled down his tongue with such a grace and passion.

“Because Jungkook said so.”

“Wow, that’s just great, Miseo. That’s fucking great. So, what did that little motherfucker tell you this time?”

I cocked my head to one side, giving him _the_ look. This time? What did he mean by this time?

Fuck, it was so hard to think when your senses were clouded, and you couldn’t focus on one thing because the colorful world was taking over you once again. It almost felt like I had another episode, but this time it was different. I was still there, I could still hear and see him even though it was hard.

“He said…” I said, but all the words hitched in my throat. I inhaled sharply when the sharp pain bolted through my whole body.

So, this was like not eating but drinking alcohol and taking drugs felt like? If yes, then I wished I hadn’t left my bedroom this morning. 

Yoongi was silent, he only watched me, waiting for me to go on.

“He said you were all lying to me. All the time.”

“And that doesn’t make him liar as well?”

That was not the answer I was waiting for, but here we go.

“You know, I’ve never wanted anything but answers. And what have I got? Only another lies. From all of you. Does it sound fair to you, Yoongi? Why don’t you tell me the truth?”

“Because you’re high and drunk, Miseo. That’s why I’m not going to talk to you right now. I don’t want that night to happen again, don’t you understand it? I still feel the pain, the anger and most importantly, I hate myself so much because I let that happen.”

“I don’t because I don’t remember what happened that night! I have no fucking clue what happened and what made me drive that fucking car and let it wrap around the street light like it was a fucking ribbon!”

He immediately shot up from his huge chair, making his way to me. I wanted to run away, but my own body betrayed me. Suddenly, I was caged under his body, his hot breath hit my skin and I was lost.

“Calm down, just calm down, please.”

“And what if I don’t?” I asked. Tears were burning in the corner of my eyes. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I wasn’t the type to cry often, but the whole situation was so overwhelming.

Yoongi sighed, but he never lost his posture. He never stopped caging me under him.

“Let me tell you one thing.”

I remained silent as I tried to concentrate on him.

But my conscious was slipping.

“Five years ago, when you were eighteen, I made a promise to you.”

It was harder and harder to keep my eyes open. The darkness was creeping around the corner, dulling my senses, taking over my body and mind as well. I knew he was talking to me, but it was so hard to comprehend his words.

“I made a promise I will always stay by your side. And will comply to that. So, stick it to your head. I will never leave your side and I will always find you. No matter what.”

With his last words, the said darkness took over me.

It almost felt like I was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, 76 hits, thank you guys!


	9. Scene 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

My worst fear was to wake up in hospital, being wrapped in tubes and engulfed by the annoying beeping of medical equipment. But none of it happened. I woke up in the exact same spot I fell asleep at. I was wrapped in fluffy blanket like nothing has happened.

Two men stood by the table with music equipment. They were chatting quietly, exchanging worried looks here and there. It didn’t take them long to acknowledge me being conscious again.

“I told you. You should have told her sooner. Now that Jungkook stepped in, everything is fucked up, my friend.”

Jimin.

What was he doing here?

Sunmi told me he was in America.

I barely remembered what happened last night. I knew I stormed into DT Label, snooping around for some light drugs. I found some, splashing it down with alcohol. After that, I remember I had an argument with Yoongi, but I didn’t remember what he had told me before I blacked out.

Jimin turned his attention to me, a small smile plastered on his face. It was nice seeing him after such a long time. He was travelling the world with his girlfriend and he barely came back to Korea. Sometimes I envied him being this free, being able to go anywhere he wanted to.

“Finally. I though you are never going to wake up.”

“Touché,” I replied. I felt the pain banging in my skull, which was good and a bad sign at the same time. Good because I was still alive and bad because I was going to feel the pain all day.

“Did you really have to do it?” it was Yoongi who asked this stupid question.

“Asked the one who didn’t have the guts to tell me the truth.”

“So now you believe that kid? You sided with Jungkook?”

That hurt a lot, to be honest. We have never had such a conversation before. He has never accused me of anything. Well, maybe he has, but those were small pitiful things. This was something entirely different from before.

“I don’t think it’s the right time to discuss this matter,” Jimin stepped into our argument, trying to calm us both down.

Unsuccessfully.

“Don’t you dare, Park Jimin. You’re not saint either.”

He blinked a few times, giving me the confused look.

Such an actor he was.

Fuck, that annoying pain wasn’t going away at all. Anyway, what was the time? I should get out of here as soon as possible. Staying here didn’t give any sense anymore. It wasn’t like I’m getting any more answers. The only one person willing to give me answers was Jungkook and I sent him away as well.

“I’m leaving this place.”

“It’s literally 4am, Miseo. You’re not going home, I’m taking you to my place.”

“Yoongi, are you being high or something? I told you I’m leaving. So, it means I’m leaving. You have no right deciding things for me.”

“Do you want to know the truth?”

“Hyung, don’t…”

“Miseo, I’m asking you something. Do you want to know the full truth about what happened five years ago? About what happened three years ago when you wrecked your father’s car in Hongdae? Do you really want to know? But most importantly – are you ready to know the whole truth? Because this shit is bugging me, it’s making me go crazy. So, I’m willing to tell you everything. Not half-truths, like Jungkook kid did.”

Jimin sighed, running his hand through his hair. He gave me one desperate look, shrugging his shoulders right after.

“I’m giving up on you two. Actually, I’m giving up on this whole situation. Shit, I shouldn’t have introduced you to each other,” he murmured quietly under his breath as he grabbed his leather jacket, putting it on.

Shivers ran down my spine as he said those words.

_I shouldn’t have introduced you to each other._

So, Jungkook was right in the end. He wasn’t lying. At least, there was something right about what he has told me last night.

“I want to know what happened. I’m not ready, but I want to know.” It was true, I wasn’t ready to know, but I badly wanted to. I craved it so much. Apparently, everyone around me knew what the fuck happened – maybe even my siblings did. But they never said a single word.

“Then let’s get out of here.”

“Hyung…” Jimin tried it one last time, but Yoongi completely ignored him. He turned the PC off, approaching me as he extended his hand to me. I hesitated for a while – should I take his hand? Should I stand on my own feet?

I took his hand, accepting the help he was offering me.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Simply as that.

**Few hours before.**

The annoying buzzing woke both of the Kims up. Taehyung groaned, his arms still wrapped around his tiny wife. She slept peacefully. That was the wicked gift she possessed – as soon as she made it to the horizontal position, she immediately fell asleep. And nothing could wake her up.

But yeah, the buzzing was so annoying she opened her brown eyes, confusedly looking around.

“What was that?”

“Some idiot waking us up at this ungodly hour.”

Serah turned to the nightstand where the alarm clock was placed.

9:40am.

“Taehyung, that’s not an ungodly hour,” she murmured, slowly wiggling away from his strong arms. She put the robe over her silk pajama and Taehyung sighed again. Just who the hell was bold enough to come to visit this early in the morning?

And while he was thinking, still being comfortable in the warm bed, Serah made her way to the hallway, opening the door to the impatient intruder.

Surprise, surprise, who was there?

Jeon Jungkook.

“Jungkook?”

“Can I come in? I think… I think I fucked up.”

The boy standing in front of her was broken. Or he was so close to eventually breaking up. Serah didn’t have the heart to send him away. She knew Taehyung’s going to be pissed off that she let him in, but she couldn’t hurt the soft boy standing in her doorframe.

“Yes, come in,” she let him in, watching the boy carefully. “Do you want some coffee?”

“Only if you add a shot into it.”

“Well, Taehyung has this bottle of whisky if you want.”

Jungkook made himself comfortable on the couch, hiding his face in the palms of his hands. He looked desperate. Why wouldn’t he in the end? He spilled the tea, he told Miseo something he promised he would never do. Yet, he had to get drunk with the group of his 97’ line friends. And come to Miseo’s place right after.

Serah came back to the living room, handing Jungkook a glass of whisky. Taehyung made an appearance as well, standing in the doorframe, watching his younger friend being completely crushed with the self-pity. He knew him way too well to sense that Jungkook isn’t okay.

“What happened?” he asked, gazing at the younger one.

Jungkook downed the whisky, putting the glass away. He felt the alcohol running through his bloodstream – he didn’t know whether it was the one from last night or the one he just gulped.

“I told her.”

Taehyung and Serah exchanged worried looks.

“You told _who_ and _what_?” it was Serah who asked the question even though she had the suspicion. The cards told her last night, shit was about to go down, but she didn’t think it will be _this soon_.

“Miseo. I told Miseo. I told her we’ve been lying to her all the time. I told her about the time back in Busan. I told her how much I loved her… I told her Yoongi was the reason she ran away from Busan when she was eighteen, leaving me behind. That it was Jimin who introduced them. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’m sorry.”

Serah gasped and Taehyung felt like beating the shit out of Jungkook.

“Jungkook! We promised! We fucking promised we won’t tell her!” it was Taehyung’s turn to get mad. To get mad to the point his eyes darkened, and he was yelling at the younger one like crazy. He really was bat-shit crazy. They all promised to keep it secret from Miseo. Her memory wasn’t coming back – and it was better. It was better for her not to know what happened five years ago.

What happened three years ago.

Serah slowly approached Taehyung, patting his back quietly.

“Is that all you told her, Kookie?” she asked him, being concerned about her friend. About both of them. She couldn’t even imagine how Miseo must have felt at moment. What must have been going on her mind. “Did you only tell her about the life back in Busan? You didn’t mention _that night_?”

“No, I didn’t. But she deserves to know. Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair to live in a darkness? She should know about what happened that night.”

“She would hate you as well, are you aware of that, Jungkook? None of us is innocent. None of us can come clean out of this,” Taehyung’s words rang through the room, making them all shiver in something what felt like fear.

Or disappointment.

“She already hates me, so where’s the problem? You know I always loved her. And I still love her. Way too much to let her suffer in darkness like that.

“But this is not the solution, Jungkook. You can’t just turn her life upside down and…” Taehyung started but has been stopped by the hand of his wife. She looked concerned.

“Tae, Jungkook is right. It’s been too long since Miseo lived in a lie. She should hear the truth. But not from us. She should hear it from Yoongi and Jungkook. In the end, they were the ones who started this mess. I’m not trying to blame them, but it’s true it was their fault in the first place.”

Jungkook knew Serah was right, but he was still hurt. The weight of her words crushed him down, making him gasp for air.

“That means I have to meet with Yoongi.”

The Kims were silent.

“The question is if he wants to meet up with me.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he just punched you in the face, Kookie,” Taehyung shrugged, wrapping his arms around his wife’s waist.

Serah gave him the look, slapping his hand away.

“Stop acting like a jerk, husband. It’s their business. In the end, we all saw it coming and now they have to be responsible for their past actions.”

“But we will have to be responsible as well. We knew all the time. Do you think Miseo will just forgive us? We are talking about five years of someone’s life. It’s not that easy.”

“Woah, since when you are all philosopher?”

“Since I’m a university professor.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes. The Kims were always like that. But they were right. He should go and talk to Yoongi, he should make it right. In the end, it was him who brought this hell upon themselves – just because he got drunk and he couldn’t hold his mouth shut.

Suddenly, he stood up, giving them both a nod.

“I should get going.”

Serah still looked worried. She came to the younger one, giving him quick hug.

“It’s going to be okay, Kookie. Don’t worry. We will always be there – for all of you,” she assured him. Taehyung just gave him the glare until he softened a little, patting his friend’s shoulder.

“Yeah, she’s right. Don’t forget – she’s a witch in the end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -caught in a lie playing in the background- Will he tell her the truth?


	10. Scene 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

The car ride was awkward. I was sitting in the passenger’s seat, looking out of the side window. I couldn’t bear a sight of the man sitting by my side, even though I agreed on going to his place. Right now, I was regretting it.

Was I ready to hear the whole truth?

And will it even be truth?

Suddenly, I didn’t know who to believe. It felt like people around me were making up stories – each one with a different ending. Of course, I haven’t heard Yoongi’s version yet, but my stomach was already twisting and curling. I felt sick and uncomfortable, but on the other hand, my head was telling me to just go and listen to everything he had on his mind.

My heart was awfully quiet. As if it shut itself down, determined not to talk to me anymore.

“Tell me something. Anything. Don’t be quiet.”

His deep voice snapped me back to reality. The car stopped on red lights and the tension inside was unbearable.

“I don’t know… should I even be talking to you? According to Jungkook, you were lying to me all the time. God knows what you kept away from me.”

“Damn, Miseo!” woah, he was so short of patience. He hit the steering wheel, his knuckles going white. “You only heard only his part of the story. He was always fucking crazy about you. He loved you so much, but there was someone else in your life. Me. It was me all the time.”

My heart pounded like crazy. I felt the heat splashing over my whole body, almost like my mind was trying to pick up the shattered pieces of broken mirror. I tried so much to remember what happened five years ago, but it wasn’t coming back. All I could see was a bottomless abyss.

“I don’t remember you being in my life before.”

“I know,” he murmured quietly, awaking the engine once the green light was on.

“But I want to remember. I really want to. And I try…”

“Miseo, your memories aren’t coming back. You were told so,” he reached his right hand for me. He was used to rest his hand on my thigh every time he was driving. It was a calming gesture, but I never saw deeper meaning in it. I never realized he did it because there was something more between us.

“So… Seven months ago, it wasn’t an accident, right? When we met after your performance. When you had me basically delivered into the backstage room. It wasn’t accident. It wasn’t just random meeting.”

I wasn’t a question. Because I already knew the answer. He had known me, before the accident.

“I told them not to bring you there. I told Taehyung not to drag you along with his little wife. He fucked up everything.”

He was right, it was Taehyung and Serah who brought me up to that concert. Which confused me even more, because Serah was against my relationship with Yoongi.

But then it hit me like a brick wall.

Was it because she knew about my previous relationship with him? Then why did she agree on me going with them seven months ago?

“Serah was always against us being together.”

“Nope, she wasn’t,” Yoongi shook his head as we finally reached the destination. He parked the car in the underground garage.

But we both remained sitting.

“I don’t understand. I don’t understand anything anymore. And I’m not sure if I want to understand. I want this all to be over. Can’t you see it? You’re fucking with my mind. You’re telling me things I can’t grasp. I don’t see the point, I don’t see why people did what they did. It’s confusing me, and I’m done with this shit. I’m fucking done, Yoongi…”

I took a deep breath.

Maybe I will regret what I was about to say.

But it was inevitable.

“Once you tell me your story… We’re done.”

**Taehyung and Serah’s place**

Things were happening and the Kims weren’t happy about that. When Jungkook left their apartment, Serah decided to cook lunch. As she was preparing the meal, she couldn’t bring herself to think about anything else but her dear friend Miseo.

She thought about the way Jungkook crushed at their place, pouring his heart out. She pitied the poor boy. He wasn’t bad, he just did something he wasn’t supposed to. And with these thoughts, her day went by. She was thinking about her friends and about the things that happened three years ago.

Could she has avoided them?

It made her feel sick to her stomach. If only she had said something three years ago. Maybe if she had just stood up and stopped him from speaking all the bullshit to Miseo, things would have turned out different. Miseo wouldn’t have drove the car under intoxicated.

“You know, thinking about it won’t help,” she heard her husband saying. Taehyung had his nose buried in yet another book. But somehow, he was still paying attention to his worried wife.

“Maybe we should all talk. Cards said…”

“Honey, as much as I love you,” he said, putting the book away “I don’t care what cards said. That’s not our business. Now that Miseo knows, it’s Yoongi’s and Jungkook’s turn to make things right again.”

“Would you forgive someone if they told you they were lying to you all the time? That you lived in a web of lie for past five years?”

“Asking for forgiveness isn’t a crime, my love.”

Serah sighed heavily.

“You are saying it just because they are your life-long friends. That little group of yours, always keeping secrets and playing around. You started playing a dangerous game five years ago, dragging innocent people inside of your circle.”

Now that caught Taehyung’s attention.

“You weren’t that innocent five years ago. Seventeen and painting graffiti all around Daegu. You were one of a kind.”

Serah’s heart skipped a beat.

“I was just trying to over-draw the ones you did,” she giggled quietly.

“Good old times.”

“Yeah, but still… I think the disaster couldn’t had been avoided. I just hope it’s going to be alright. Who knows, having a reunion would be really nice.”

“Well, one can still hope, my love.”

**Yoongi’s apartment**

His apartment suddenly felt so foreign for me. I didn’t dare to touch anything. I only sat on the sofa, crossing my legs because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to sit normally. I told him we were done.

And we were done.

That hurt my heart even more.

I didn’t want to leave him, what else was there to do?

Nothing.

I could only run away like the last coward walking on this planet.

“Explain the Serah thing, please,” I told him as I was watching him pacing around. He was nervous, I could say that. He didn’t know what to do with his hand.

“But I thought…”

“I said – the Serah thing first.”

I was completely done with this shit.

He sighed, hand running through his already messy hair.

“As I have told you before, she wasn’t against our relationship. Not at first. Not when I took you from Busan and brought you here, to Seoul. By that time, she and Taehyung already moved there, even though they were younger than us. Taehyung was constantly fighting with his parents and Serah was raised by the streets. Did you know that she was doing graffiti? That’s how she and Taehyung got together.”

I wanted to yell at him for breaking the topic, but at the same time, I was glad he was talking about the past. I didn’t know about Serah and Taehyung. I only knew she was in my life before. I didn’t remember Taehyung, though. I only remember him standing by her side when I woke up in the hospital.

“But after your accident… everything was different. Your parents moved you back to Busan, where you were under their surveillance. And when I heard you were back in Seoul… I was crazy. So, I wanted to see you – but they didn’t let me. I didn’t let myself take any steps towards you. I made yet another promise – not to bother you anymore. I fucked up your life so much before I made a pledge I won’t touch your life anymore.”

“Then why…”

“You remained in contact with people from before. Everyone but me. I simply disappeared. They told me you lost last five years of your life – and I benefited from it. Your last memories came from being only fifteen years old teenager. You didn’t know me back then. And that was good. It was as if I’ve never been in your life before. But that night… The night of the concert… Taehyung told me you were interested in me. And he decided to bring you along. With Jimin, they thought that… this time it might be different. It was. I made it different.”

My head was spinning. Nothing but everything started to make sense. They knew each other. Yet they acted like they didn’t.

Only to what?

To protect me?

To make my life easier?

To create a new world, I could live in?

“When I saw you… I felt it all again. But I couldn’t simply let us fall into the trap of love again. I fucked it up for the first time and I didn’t want to repeat my mistake. It was my fault you wrecked your father’s car. Only my fault, because I wasn’t strong enough to stop Jungkook spreading the lies about your family. He was drunk and beyond mad.”

I was fighting the strong urge to cry. I just wanted to curl into a ball, to hide away from this ugly world. But I was stronger than that. Running away won’t solve anything.

“What happened three years ago? Why did I do it?”

“We were in DT label. All of us – Taehyung and Serah, you and me, Jungkook, Namjoon, even Seokjin was there. Jimin and Sunmi. All of us. We were having a night out. Actually, we were about to head to Hongdae, but you were sniffing around when you found the sack of marijuana. We were already drunk, but the idea of getting stoned was stronger than us. Few of you smoked it. I think it was you, Jungkook and Taehyung, I can’t remember correctly. I was so drunk, and my mind was clouded. And suddenly, there was a fight. I always knew Jungkook was in love with you, but he backed away the second you told him we’re moving to Seoul. But that night… he lost it. You two had an ugly fight when he told you that one damn sentence that changed your whole life. _You are going to be the same bitch as your mother and older sister. What runs in family…”_

“Stays in family,” I finished his sentence, giving up on fighting the tears. They were rolling down my cheeks as I was listening to him. What he told me was oddly familiar and I felt scared when I finished the sentence.

“Do you remember?” he asked me, his voice full of hope.

“No, I don’t. It’s just… Sometimes I hear those words in my head… Something like ‘as your mother’ and ‘older sister’. But why would he…”

Why would Jungkook speak to me like that? He claimed he loved me, so why would he hurt me that much?

“Miseo… please, don’t cry. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for not stopping him from hurting you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t do anything. I’m not going to blame it on alcohol, no way. I just…”

“No. Don’t. Just don’t. I told you – after your story, we’re done.”

And that was the moment Yoongi snapped.

“Then why don’t you blame him as well? Why aren’t you done with him, too?”

It was like being splashed with cold water. Unexpected and surprising.

“Who are you to tell me what should I do? You don’t belong into my life anymore. None of you do. Because not only I’m done with you, Yoongi. I’m done with my fake friend and I’m done with this fake love. I’m done with this city and everyone living here.”

“Miseo… You still don’t have the full pictures. There are things you should know. Your parents…”

“Don’t you even dare going there, Min Yoongi! You know what? Fuck you. Don’t come near me ever again.”

I grabbed my jacket, quickly approaching the front door.

Somehow… running away didn’t seem like a bad idea anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited, I'm sorry. Well, the truth is out. But what if it's still not the full picture?


	11. Scene 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

Running away seemed like a good idea until I ran into Jungkook in the hallway of the luxury complex of apartments Yoongi lived in. At first, I was surprised to see him there – but ever since Yoongi told me about my history… well.

They all knew each other, didn’t they?

“Miseo,” he murmured quietly, trying to reach his hand for me, but I successfully dodged away, even though my heart hurt like crazy. No, I didn’t want him talk to me. I didn’t want anyone trying to make things clear to me once again. For what purpose? What did it bring to them, enlightening me like they were all knowing, and I was nothing?

Sometimes, I really hate my amnesia. Not because I wasn’t able to recall last five years of my life. No, that was the undeniable fact I couldn’t fight. I hated it because everyone around me played God himself. They were lying straight to my face, hiding things from me in false belief they are actually protecting me.

The weren’t.

“Don’t you even try. I don’t want to see you in my life anymore. I don’t want you there. Just… get the fuck out, okay? Get the fuck out and leave me alone,” I tried to make my way past him, but his muscled body was wrapped around mine almost immediately. He pulled me closer, even though I was fighting for my dear life. He was way stronger than I was, so he didn’t have any trouble holding me in one place, making me feel even more anxious.

The fear.

The despair.

The need to run away, curling in a corner, pretending I don’t exist.

It all felt so strong but so pointless at the same time.

“I won’t let go of you unless you know the whole truth. I’m so tired of pretending, I’m so tired of lying straight into your face. You’re a perfect human being and you don’t deserve this. Please… Miseo… Just let me explain.”

I was quiet. I knew what he was about to do. He wanted to drag me back into Yoongi’s apartment, trying to make things right. My brain was considering all the options I had at that moment – I could either run away, pretending I don’t want to know anything. Or I could willingly go with Jungkook and let him explain, probably providing me with even wider point of view.

Biting on my lower lip, I really hated myself for this doubting.

“Under one condition,” I said silently. I was tired. I wanted to go home. I wanted to close my eyes… and maybe never open them again.

“Whatever condition you want.”

Woah, he really seemed so determined.

“You say your part and then you will let me go. And you won’t contact me, you won’t visit me. You won’t try get into my life ever again. Do you understand?”

I could literally feel the pain he was feeling when I was looking him in his eyes.

And that was how I once again ended up sitting on the comfortable sofa in Yoongi’s apartment. At first, he was so surprised to see us both standing at the doorstep, but he willingly let us in. Well, maybe not that willingly. He growled when Jungkook was passing him by – I heard those silent threats Yoongi addressed to the younger one.

“You two better come with a believable story, otherwise I’m so done with you. With you all.”

Yoongi scoffed, being so done with hearing my words all over again.

“You need to know that we’re not the only ones involved in this. It’s not only about us lying to you. Your parents…”

“Jungkook, you better not… She’s not ready,” Yoongi growled lowly. I saw him standing next to the glass wall overlooking whole Seoul. A glass of scotch was placed in his hands as he was sipping on it quietly.

“You know shit if I’m ready or not!” I snapped at him, shooting from the sofa immediately. I was breathing hard, giving him one hell of a look. Jungkook took my hand, pulling me down to sit on the couch.

“She is more than ready. She was, for a very long time, actually. Miseo,” Jungkook turned to me, ignoring Yoongi’s complains. “As I’ve said before, we weren’t the only ones involved in this huge ass lie. After you wrecked your father’s car in the middle of Seoul and were taken to hospital right after… Well, Junseo took you in, trying to hush as all away. He didn’t let us near you. We all tried so much, but he was stubborn, ready to protect his little sister. At that time, your parents made an appearance on the scene. Your father was furious – because of your condition. And, let’s be honest here, because of the condition of car as well.”

Excuse me?

So, the car was more precious to him than the life of his own youngest daughter?

But once again, I was getting lost in Jungkook’s words.

“Okay, my brother sent you away, but how come… when I woke up… almost all of you were there? I remember Serah and Taehyung. And Sunmi. They were there when I woke up,” I stuttered, trying to put that goddamn puzzle in one picture. Yet, I was still missing some details – and I really wished they would tell me. 

“Oh my god, just tell her already,” Yoongi growled again, finishing the alcohol and pouring himself another shot right after.

“Your parents bribed us.”

One would expect me to start screaming and yelling, accusing Jungkook of lying to me. But no. I just started laughing because it was so hilarious. So, this was the missing piece? My filthy rich parents, who basically abducted me back to Busan when I was finally able to stand on my own feet, paying off my friends to keep lying to me all the time? Why would they do such a thing? By that time, I was already an adult, responsible for my own mistakes.

“They wanted us to stay away from you while they were moving you back to Busan. You didn’t remember Serah and Sunmi, nor Jimin and Taehyung. You didn’t even remember Yoongi. But you did remember me. We basically grew up together in Busan, so your parents knew it won’t be possible to erase us from your life completely. Even though you didn’t remember the others. That’s why they bribed us to make a lie. To tangle you into this web of lies.”

Have you ever felt like your life was falling apart? Like you couldn’t grasp a single piece of it to save yourself from falling? Nope? Fine, but I felt like that right now and I didn’t know what to do. I just kept sitting there, staring at my fingers as everything started to give a sense.

I still didn’t remember the night I wrecked my father’s car.

And I still didn’t remember the time I was dating Yoongi before. Those years were long gone, and I was at peace with the fact that… I’m never ever getting it back. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t build my life once again, did it?

A fresh start.

Somewhere far away from South Korea.

Yeah.

I still had my family in USA. I could still…

“Did you take the money?” I asked suddenly. If my parents really did bribe my friends, did they take the money? Did they willingly let themselves be bribed?

“None of us took the money, Miseo,” it was Yoongi answering my question. He put the glass away, making his way down the hall. I knew exactly where he was going. To his private studio, to the one sacred place in his apartment. He came back with two things in his hand – a polaroid photo I tried to look at few days ago and a small piece of paper.

“If you don’t believe us… here, have a look. I bet my ass you know your father’s signature,” he said, handing me the piece of paper – which turned out to be a check.

Five hundred thousand dollars.

And my father’s signature.

“All of us, the same money. But none of us took it. Taehyung and Serah decided to burn those checks. Jimin and Sunmi simply ripped it in front of your parents’ eyes. Namjoon and Seokjin didn’t even bother to take it from them. But I… I decided to keep it. I knew there will a day like this one. I knew that if I wanted you to stay with me, I will have to come out with the truth. By the time they moved you to Busan, I had already disappeared from your life. I wasn’t there, I wasn’t part of it anymore. You had the others, you didn’t need me anymore. You didn’t even remember you loved me,” Yoongi confessed quietly.

He was right. He completely disappeared from my life. Willingly. And as much as it hurt me to hear the truth from the two men in the room, I realized I wasn’t the only one suffering.

They were hurt as well.

But still.

But still…

“Yet, it wasn’t you telling me the truth first.”

“No, it wasn’t. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t tell you one day.”

“Keep your bullshit, okay. I’m not interested.”

“You might not be. I won’t interfere anymore. But at least let me give you this,” Yoongi reached his hand, giving me the small polaroid photo I was so curious to see.

With my eyes finally landing on the photo, I whimpered. Tears were burning in the corner of my eyes as I saw a group of people.

Taehyung and Serah cuddling on the sofa while I was being comfortable in Yoongi’s arms. Jimin and Sunmi, Namjoon and Seokjin. Jungkook sitting on the table, grinning like a wicked boy. I immediately recognized the scene – the photo was taken in DT label, in of Yoongi’s studios.

With a shaking hand, I pulled the photo closer to my chest, almost hugging the small piece of memory I couldn’t grasp.

Both of them kept staring at me, probably waiting for another reaction. But I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to think and what to say anymore. Yes, I knew the whole truth now, but I still wasn’t able to put it all together. Not with my memory loss.

And then it struck me.

It didn’t matter anymore.

Nothing mattered anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're slowly nearing the finish line. Thanks for reading, folks!


	12. Last scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

“Are you sure that this is the right thing to do? I don’t want to change your mind or something, but… you haven’t seen your family in America for the past six years. You have changed a lot since then and… Maybe staying in the USA won’t solve anything.”

Remind me why did I ask Serah to join me again? Despite everything that has happened in the past few weeks, despite the ugly truth I came to know I still appreciated her company. She was giving me so much energy, she kept me from falling apart.

But that still didn’t make me change my mind. Last week I decided to leave South Korea. To leave Seoul and Busan, to leave everyone behind. I simply booked a flight to Los Angeles, determined to visit my mother’s family. I told my cousin I’m coming, and she was more than excited to see me once again. We haven’t seen each other in ages, I knew we will easily catch up on the lost time.

“What about Yoongi?”

My body stopped moving as she asked this simple yet complicated question.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. The two of us are done. He lied to me.”

“But I lied to you, too.”

“And I’m surprised you are still here,” I gave her the look, fighting all the spicy comments I was still keeping at the edge of my tongue. Those venomous words threatened to roll down my tongue, hurting all of the people around me.

“Come on, running away never helped anyone. Look at yourself, you were running away your whole life. Did it help? Nope. Then stay here, in Korea, and deal with your troubles.”

Right in my feels.

Apart from the fact that she didn’t have a clue about how I feel. Everything was a mess, I couldn’t concentrate on one simple thing. I couldn’t even dance – and dancing used to be my getaway.

Well, I guess, not anymore.

“Serah, stop with this bullshit, okay? I’m not interested in you giving me lectures. I have my own head and I will do as I wish to do. Besides, I’ve never said I’m leaving for sure. Who knows, maybe one day I will come back.”

“Or you will never,” she murmured under her nose.

***

“She’s leaving for America; did you know that?” Jungkook was hanging around in Yoongi’s studio, being comfortable on the huge sofa in the corner of the room. That one he was sitting on three years ago, being all high on THC and fighting with his best friend.

“I heard about it,” Yoongi murmured, not peeling his eyes away from the screen.

After two weeks full of threats, occasional flying fists and black eyes, those two men found out that fighting was pointless anymore. Miseo turned her back on both of them, not picking up their phones, not responding to text messages, damn, not even e-mails as Jungkook tried really hard. Surprisingly, she was in contact with Serah and Sunmi. Somehow, the two girls were spared from the hell she unleashed on the world.

“How?” Jungkook asked, genuinely interested.

“Sunmi. Miseo told Sunmi, Sunmi told Jimin and Jimin told me. Easy as that,” he replied, eyes still glued to the PC screen.

“Dude, come on, aren’t you going to do something about it? Like… surprising her at the airport? With a bouquet and maybe ring?”

Yoongi suddenly turned to the younger one, his lips in a straight line, coldness reaching his eyes.

“If you don’t want to end up with another black eye, then I listen to my advice – shut the fuck up, okay? She said we are done so we are done. I’m not chasing her anymore. I tried my best and yet, I failed so hard. She doesn’t want to have me in her life anymore and I think it’s a wise decision. And you should leave her alone as well.”

“Are you fucking crazy or what? The work is going on your nerves, I see. I’m not giving up on her, she is my best friend. I might have had feelings for her, yeah, but she is still my best friend. I’m not letting her go to goddamn America. She doesn’t belong there, she belongs here. With you.”

Yoongi really was surprised to hear such words coming from the younger one. As far as he could remember, they were waging silent war because of Miseo. The thing is – Miseo has never seen Jungkook as a man staying by her side. She fell for Yoongi long time ago, back in Busan. Jungkook just couldn’t swallow it, so he kept trying.

Without any luck.

“Woah, Min Yoongi finally came down to the planet Earth? It was about damn time, mate.”

“Don’t call me mate, kiddo.”

“I’m not kiddo anymore. I’m an adult with my own opinions. And this is one of them – you should fight while she’s still here. Because once she steps on board, it’s over for us. Miseo is not playing games and we both know it very well.”

***

“So, a farewell party?” Hoseok asked me when I finally arrived to dance studio. I put down my bag, ready to start the dance lesson. My last dance lesson as I was leaving for America in two days.

I haven’t told my parents. I was old enough to do my own decisions. And after everything I found out, I came to an agreement with myself that they don’t deserve to know anything. They basically robbed me of my friends. Even though they still stayed by my side, it was different. It was different knowing that they paid them off.

Tried to bribe them.

Yes, my parents gave me everything I have ever wanted, but this time… no, not anymore. This time I’m taking my life into my own hands.

“I’m going to miss you, little one. You were so talented,” Hoseok literally pouted. When I told him I’m going to America for some time, he didn’t want to let me go. He said I was one of the best instructors and letting me go would be one great sin.

I still had to go.

“I’m going to miss you, too. But don’t forget, it’s not like I’m dying or moving my ass to America forever. I will come back one day.”

“Yeah, and I’m going to be an old grandpa.”

“I swear to god, you are all plotting against me,” I scoffed, pulling my hair into a tight ponytail. They really didn’t want me to go. Honestly, it was choking me. I was choking on my friends’ opinions. I was tired of it. They were like a broken record, saying the same things all over again.

No.

It won’t make me stay.

“We just love you too much.”

“For sure.”

***

Leaving was never easy. I remember when my parents took me from Seoul’s hospital back to Busan. For some odd reason, I didn’t really want to come back to Busan. I felt like I belong to Seoul, even though I couldn’t remember why. Now I know that the odd feeling wasn’t odd at all. My heart was trying to whisper something – the real reason why I wanted to stay.

The reason was Yoongi. I wanted to stay because of him. Because we once ran away from Busan and Daegu, never intending to come back. At least I think so.

I still didn’t have answers to some of my questions but in the end… it was better to leave it alone like that. As I’ve learned the hard truth, I realized that I didn’t need the answers anymore. What was it good for in the first place?

So, no. No answers anymore.

I asked my friends not to accompany me to the airport. Leaving Seoul was hard enough and I didn’t want to make it even harder. For me and them as well. Leaving quietly was a nice option, anyway.

The taxi ride to the airport was awkward. The driver kept talking to me all the time, asking me where I am going and what I am going to do there. I was annoyed to the point of losing my nerves, but I managed to keep quiet. Thankfully.

But what surprised me more was the crowd of people waiting in front of Incheon airport. I barely made it inside as all of the people waiting outside were pushing each other to have a better view. Just what the hell was going on?

I didn’t have to wait for a long time. As soon as I made it to the check-in counter, I heard people murmuring the name

His name.

He was there.

And he made a mess.

Min Yoongi came to the airport, being followed by a bunch of reporters, paparazzi, and fans. He was there somewhere, probably already hiding in VIP lounge as he used to when he traveled abroad. I internally prayed not to bump into him.

But who was I to ask the higher power for something like that?

Of course.

Of course, he was waiting for me right after I checked in, giving the airport staff my luggage. There was no way for me to run.

“It took you some time to come, princess. For a while, I was wondering whether you didn’t change your mind,” he told me casually. He acted like nothing has happened. He acted like I haven’t been ignoring him for the past two weeks.

He acted like I had never ended up things between us.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, still being a little bit taken aback. I really didn’t expect him to be here. I bit my farewells and that was all. Nobody was supposed to be here, yet Min Yoongi had to surprise me. Of course.

“I came because of you, isn’t it obvious?”

“Definitely not,” I shook my head, trying to make my way to the gate. But Yoongi was following me like a lost puppy, never losing the smug grin on his face. It was making me feel crazy, the madness completely taking over me. It took me a few other steps until I turned to him, almost bumping into his broad chest.

“What is your fucking problem, Yoongi? Haven’t you ruined me in past eight months enough? Did you really have to follow me all the way here? Who the fuck even told you about my flight? Which one of those fucking traitors was it?”

“So, now you are calling your friends fucking traitors?” he asked me, folding his arms over his chest. I was very well aware of the fact that this wasn’t the right place to have a fight at, but what else could I do?

“I could call them much worse because of what they have done. Including you.”

“But I’m not your friend,” he said, taking me off guard with such a statement. But he was right – he wasn’t my friend. He didn’t mean anything to me. At least that was something I was trying to stick into my head. But as much as I have tried, there was still something pulling me closer to him. I was on a mission – running away to the United States. Shameless as it was, I was trying to run away from him. A lot of things happened lately, and I just couldn’t stand them anymore.

More importantly, I couldn’t stand myself.

I couldn’t bear the fact that even though he hurt me, I still had feelings for him.

Some people would have said it was only natural. But I didn’t want it like that. I wanted it all gone. I wanted to breathe freely again.

“Then what are you to me?” I dared to ask, completely losing my mind over him once again. Something inside of me was head over heels for the guy standing in front of me.

“That’s something for you to answer. What am I to you?”

“You used to be everything. Don’t blame me for not knowing now. Because I really don’t know, Yoongi.”

He inhaled sharply. Being quiet for a while, he looked me in the eyes, holding me hostage with his stare.

“Does it mean I have a chance? Does it mean I can right my wrongs?”

Really bold question to ask.

Yet I didn’t have words. I stood there, completely shocked and speechless. One thing I knew about him very well. He was stubborn and when he wanted something, he didn’t know when to stop. He went straight for it, even though it was the most painful road ever.

“Because I’m boarding the plane whether you agree or not. I’m not letting you slip away again. I’m not making the same mistake again.”

“Why now? Why? Did it really have to happen like this? With people being hurt?”

“We can always make it right. Miseo, please,” he really was fighting. The walls I build around my heart was slowly falling apart, but not completely.

“I can’t stop you from boarding that plane,” I sighed heavily. Because I really couldn’t.

“No. No, you can’t,” he smiled at me.

And at that very moment, seeing him smiling just like that, something familiar jolted in my body.

It almost felt like I was remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Here we go. Last chapter. I really enjoyed writing this story. It started when I was bored, making fictional characters, tangling their lives together. And that's how Sugar started. I hope you guys liked it! The epilogue is coming out soon. Thank you for reading!


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Money. Power. Glory. Car crash. Broken hearts and broken promises. A group of young people enjoying their lives at its fullest. They said: "Never be chained, never be tamed." But, in the end, the past sins will get them all.
> 
> [BTSxOC]

To be honest, Busan has never felt so good. It never felt so good to be back home, even though I didn’t want to come here at first. But now, it was something completely different.

After I ran away from Seoul, with Yoongi by my side, my life completely changed. My mother’s side of family living in America welcomed me, of course. They were considerate enough to let me stay at their house while I was trying to find a job and living.

Perks of having double citizenship.

For a while, it felt good. Of course, I wanted to dance, so I applied for a job as a dance teacher at the local studio in Los Angeles’ downtown. While I was building up my new life, I remained in contact with Serah and Sunmi. Many times, they tried to change my mind and drag me back to Korea. But I would be too weak to give it up so soon. So, I stayed.

And you are asking what happened with Yoongi?

Right, he couldn’t stay in Los Angeles with me forever. He stayed for two weeks, he even considered having his label moved to the USA, but I told him not to do that. It would be too risky.

And not worth in.

But right now, two years after I boarded the plane to Los Angeles, I was back in Busan, walking down Haeundae beach, holding his hand tightly. It wasn’t even one week since I came back – and my whole life was once again turned upside down. As soon as I landed at Incheon, people were waiting for me. Only Yoongi knew I was going back to Korea. I only told him.

I didn’t expect him to be the gossiping one, yet, here we go.

“Thinking again?” he asked me as we stopped near the pier. I turned to him, but he was looking away – the pier caught his side and I knew he was remembering something.

Something I won’t be able to grasp anymore. Because no, not even during those two years when I was in the USA my memory came back. But I made peace with that fact. And maybe, just maybe, not having my memory fully back was a win-win situation. I could throw everything away.

And start my new life.

Yes, I decided to come back to Korea.

For good.

For him.

And for me as well.

“Yes. And unsurprisingly, I was thinking about you.”

“Oh no, let’s not go there again,” he giggled, leaning closer just to kiss me.

“I was thinking about staying with you, to be honest.”

He stopped, still holding my hand tightly.

“What have you said?”

“I’m staying. I’m staying in Korea. With you. And the others. But under one condition. Actually, two.”

“Name it.”

“Let’s not sugar coat everything. And let’s not lie to each other. Ever again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! My first ever finished english story!! Thanks y'all for reading! <3

**Author's Note:**

> So. Here I go. Writing. Again.


End file.
